---"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." --[PSALM 139:14/ ESV] -
--I'd never lost a friend before. Not like this.This wasn't a drifting apart caused by changing schools or moving. This was a rending break, a splintering of bonds, I'd considered unending. To make it worse, I believed the breach was caused by a terrible misunderstanding that honest conversation could heal. But nothing I said or did helped. I had to accept that my friend's regard for me was gone. I was desolate.
The loss sent me into a tailspin. Who was I without this treasured relationship? I found myself tongue-tied in social situations, constantly second-guessing what I thought to say. Maybe it wasn't interesting after all. Did people secretly roll their eyes whenever I walked into the room, wishing I'd leave again? I didn't know I felt paralyzed--unable to trust my judgment.
I confided my heartache to my brother, and it was his reply that proved a turning point for me. "Erin, you are strong enough to weather this," he told me, with conviction.
Strong? What an odd word choice. I'd never felt weaker. But his words stayed with me as we talked about the danger of allowing other people's opinions to determine our self-worth. I'd struggled with that for most of my life. But suddenly, the habit's harmful consequences crystallized into real understanding. The internal voice telling me I'm not good enough is a deceiver that wants me to feel fragile, weak. The truth is, I am a child of God, infinitely valuable in His eyes. Through Him, I'll always be strong enough--just as He made me to be. ~~
"Lord, when I'm tempted to worry over the approval of others, help me remember--I am Your creation and therefore valuable just as I am. Thank You, for loving me. Thank You for your peace that passes all understanding. amen~"
