Get high on life. Say no to drugs.
THC is a hallucinogenic drug, there is no doubt about it. Any drug that provides a 'high' causes your body to respond with a 'low' afterwards, and possibly imagine all sorts of things.
If you need an exhilarating high, try skiing or kayaking or something similar. Of course, if you've been using drugs you just might be too <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censored.gif" alt="" /> up to really get there in real life.
Drugs are stupid. Even your lortab excuses, just a crutch for low self esteem. It maybe has never occured to you, but everyone has esteem issues of some sort or another. It's a big secret no talks about. Relying on drugs will never help you resolve them. Just join the party as your real self and try to understand, you aren't the only one with issues. You'll have a lot more fun getting real than lortabs will ever help make you imagine. Fact is, the lortab hasn't changed you one ounce, so why do you risk your health and mental stabilty?
I have an autistic neighbor, just a kid but she isnt shy at all. She can barely talk in understandable english, like most autistic people, you maybe are imagining you have autism. She is withdrawn, in her own little world. But she's not shy at all once she knows someone. Quite the opposite. Very loving and needy of attention. She will probably never communicate and write like you do. I know more parents with autistic kids and all the kids are pretty much like that. They simply are unable to learn to read and write. You seem to do it quite well. Maybe in your case it's drug related imaginings. Drugs, including THC, change the chemical balance of your body/mind over time, you might consider looking into that. Because whatever you've got, it surely is not autism.
I smoked pot here and there with friends as a young adult, not much ever but i know what it feels like... and this:
The anxiety is overwhelming and the noise at parties and other gatherings is too intense for me. I feel self-conscious to the point of paranoia and always have in these settings.
... is quite typical of what pot always did to me. I hated it. It sounds like you overdosed on something and got stuck if you want my honest opinion.
You need to detox, not bury yourself deeper into a hole.
Drugs stink.
