--GOLF~~

-Bill: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break my 100 score.'
-Phil: 'Try moving heaven. You've already moved plenty of earth today.' -
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-Caddy: 'Let me say this about your game, mister.
I wouldn't say you were the worst golfer I have seen on this course, but I've seen places today that I've never seen before.' -
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-"Look," the golfer screamed at his caddy, "if you don't keep your big mouth shut, you'll drive me out of my mind."
-"Well, that's no drive, mister," corrected the caddy. That's a putt."
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-Golfer: 'Notice any improvement since last year?'
-Caddy: 'Polished your clubs, didn't you?'
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-Golfer: 'Why do you keep looking at your watch?'
-Caddy: 'This isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass.'
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-Golfer: 'The doctor says I can't play golf.'
-Caddy: 'Oh, he's played with you, too, huh?'-
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'Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?"
"Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere, Mrs. Smith. You caught me off-guard."
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'The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand-new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag--then threw the clubs back into the water.'
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-Golfer: 'Well, what do you think of my game?'
-Caddy: 'I guess it's all right, but I still like golf better.'
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-Golfer: 'How would you have played that last shot, caddy?'
-Caddy: 'Under an assumed name!'
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-Golfer: 'You must be the world's worst caddy!
-Caddy: 'No, sir! That would be too much of a coincidence!'
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-That's all folks! I would say, "That's par for the course!'