--LAUGHTER ~~ / The Best Medicine~~

--ONE LAZY SUNDAY morning, as the wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table, I said, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff immediately.

She asked, "Now, why would you want me to do something like that?"
"I figure you'd eventually remarry, and I don't want some other jerk using my stuff."

She looked at me intently and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another jerk?" ~~
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-THE WORLD'S WORST ACTOR is performing 'Hamlet'. He's so awful that during the "To be or not to be" speech, the audience boos and throws things. Finally, the actor has enough. He steps to the edge of the stage and says, "Look folks, I didn't write this junk."
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-I COME FROM a Dutch background. In fact, I recently found out that one of my great-great-great ancestors invented the wooden shoe. But he died trying to put out a campfire.
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--APRIL FOOLS' JOKE THAT WORKED LIKE CRAZY~~

**Burger King took out an ad in USA TODAY in 1998 introducing a 'Whopper designed especially for America's lefties.' The new burger would contain the same ingredients as those for righties, but rotated 180 degrees. Thousands of customers reportedly swarmed BK restaurants requesting the southpaw sandwich. ~~
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--That's All Folks. Have a nice day, that is unless you have other plans. ~~

---Embarrassment, Honesty ~~

--I ONCE Pastored a church that met in a former dance hall. Wanting to save money, our small fellowship used carpet remnants for the center aisle. Over the years, the seams began to loosen, and if you weren't careful, your foot could catch.

My wife told me, "Honey, you should get those fixed before some elderly lady trips and falls." I applied a procedure I had learned from my deacons. I tabled the issue.

A few weeks later before a Sunday morning service, I was meditating in my office at the rear of the church. Realizing I was a few minutes late, I hurried into the sanctuary and briskly walked up the center aisle.

As I reached the front, in full view of the congregation, my foot slipped under a loose seam, and I lunged forward. Fortunately, I caught my balance, but my toupee decided to embark on a journey of its own. I snatched it in midair, deposited it back on my head, and proceeded calmly and coolly to the pulpit.

When I turned around, however, I was greeted with mass hysteria. I had placed my toupee on sideways!

-Besides the important lesson of listening to the cautions of your wife, I learned something else: 'If it's not your own hair don't wear it.' ~~
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