--OVER THE BACK FENCE~~
-(FUNNY TRUE STORIES!)

---WHO'S WEEPING NOW?

When I was a kid, we had a weeping willow tree in our suburban Philadelphia backyard. I loved that tree, but my mother didn't because its roots tangled through our French drain, causing big problems.

My father didn't want to spend the money to hire someone to pull the tree out, thinking it would be an easy task for him and my brother to tie a chain around its trunk and use the car to uproot it. There was one fault to this plan: The tree proved more of a match to my father's transmission than he expected. By the time the project was completed, the cost to fix the car was far greater than if Mom had hired the job out.

Lesson learned? Probably. Dad stuck to what he knew and let Mom hire the landscaping out from then on.~~
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--FLEETING ATTRACTION~

It was 1955. I was 21 and had just joined a Republican political club with one of my girlfriends. The monthly meetings were mostly social, with an occasional speaker. We played the jukebox and danced.

One member, Andy, was a dance instructor for the Arthur Murray Studios. He taught us all to dance the Cha-Cha. We girls liked to dance with Andy. He was a strong leader; we felt like Ginger Rogers dancing with Fred Astaire!

Andy asked me for a date. We went to Jones Beach. When he took off his shirt, I could only think, Wow!
Great body! When he took off his shoes, the thrill was gone. Andy's toenails were yellow and too long! Funny how first impressions can be lasting, even 60 years later!

--Joan Rusielewickz~~

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--THE LAST STEP~

My aunt Dot and uncle Jack took a road trip from Iowa to the West Coast with some friends in the 1930's. Along the way, the car started acting up so they stopped at a repair shop in the next town.

Aunt Dot had fallen asleep in the front seat and murmured that she didn't need to visit the restroom when the others did. After a while, she woke up and decided maybe she'd better go after all. With eyes half-closed, she opened the door and started to step out. Suddenly, she heard her husband shouting, "Dot, get back in the car!"

Little did Dot know, the car was propped up on a mechanic's lift. One step out would have been about six feet down!
--Paula Hassler

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-- ONE-LINERS WE LOVE~~

---'Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.'
--Erma Bombeck~

--'Make sure your brain is loaded before you shoot your mouth off!"
-Mae G.
~~~~~~
--'"Don't borrow trouble."
-M. R. Latka ~~~~~

-Have a great day, that is unless you have other plans!

--Aging Gracefully~

---This has been around but still a Goodie..!!


--AGING GRACEFULLY ~~

-1). I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!

-2.) I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

-3.) I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

-4.) Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...

-5.) I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me! --

-6.) When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation....

-7.) My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.

-8.) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

-9.) The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."

-10.) I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.

-11.) Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

-12.) Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. ~~