--ON THE LIGHTER SIDE~~
---- (Some Church Bulletin Bloopers)-
--How to Get to Heaven~

-Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.
Wanting to a mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him,
Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling
everyone how to get to Heaven."

"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."
--------
--No Parking~

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city and attached the following message to his windshield:
"I have circled this block 10 times. I have an appointment to keep. 'Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned to his car he found this reply attached to his own note, along with a ticket: "I've circled this block
for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I lose my job. 'Lead us not into temptation.' ~~
-----
--Wholly Holy Bloopers~

-*The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they can be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon.

-*On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the
carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.

-*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.

-*This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north end of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

-*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

-*The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."

-*This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

-*Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

-*Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

-*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

-*Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening.
Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."

-*Potluck Supper: prayer and medication to follow.

-*Don't let worry kill you off--let the church help. ~~
~~~~~~~~~~

----In His Mother's Footsteps~

--It was a busy day in our Costa Mesa, California, home. But then, with 10 children and one on the way, every day was a bit hectic. On this particular day, however, I was having trouble doing even routine chores--all because of one little boy.

Len, who was three at the time, was on my heels no matter where I went. Whenever I stopped to do something and turned back around, I would trip over him. Several times, I patiently suggested fun activities to keep him occupied. "Wouldn't you like to play on the swing set?" I asked again.

But he simply smiled an innocent smile and said, "Oh, that's all right, Mommy. I'd rather be in here with you." Then he continued to bounce happily along behind me.

After stepping on his toes for the fifth time, I began to lose my patience and insisted that he go outside and play with the other children. When I asked him why he was acting this way, he looked up at me with sweet green eyes and said, "Well, Mommy, in Primary my teacher told me to walk in Jesus' footsteps. But I can't see him, so I'm walking in yours."

I gathered Len in my arms and held him close. Tears of love and humility spilled over from the pray that grew in my heart--a prayer of thanks for the simple, yet beautiful perspective of a three-year-old boy.~

--Davida Dalton~

--I WAS SO EMBARRASSED!

--Those Awkward Moments ~
--RITUAL HUMILIATION~
--IT was a Friday night in 1945. Mom and Dad took me to synagogue for our Sabbath service. The rabbi called me up to say the prayer over a silver goblet of wine. I was just five years old then and wasn't quite sure what to do when Rabbi Goldfarb handed me the goblet and recited a prayer.

I later learned that I was supposed to take a sip, then hand him back the full goblet. Instead, I qulped the whole thing down and bellowed, "Thank you, Rabbit Goldfrog!"

I can still hear the congregation's roar of laughter 70 years later. ~
-Reminisce / Feb/Mar 2016~

--FUNNY TRUE STORIES~~

--DRIVEN MAD ~

-My brother Larry and his friend Seth were
driving home from work in typical bumper-to-
bumper traffic. Larry needed to get over to
make a right turn, but the older lady in the
next lane refused to let him in.

Larry lowered his window, and a shouting
match erupted. Seth just held his head down
in the passenger seat, shielding his eyes as
my brother and the lady screamed it out.

Larry finally forced his way over and made his
turn. "I can't believe the nerve of that lady!"
he huffed.
"I don't blame you for being upset," Seth said.
"I just wish that wasn't my aunt." ~
--Reminisce / Feb-Mar 2016

--Me trying to stay awake in the mornings.
---
<http://www.memes.com/img/914371>

--On the Lighter Side~

--WATER CLOSET~

-AN English schoolteacher was looking for rooms in Switzerland. She called upon the local schoolmaster to help her find an apartment that would be suitable. Such rooms were found, and she returned to London for her belongings. She remembered that she had not noticed a bathroom, or as she called it, "a water closet." She wrote to the schoolmaster and asked if there was a "W.C." in or near the apartment.

The schoolmaster, not knowing the English expression, was puzzled by the "W.C," never dreaming that she was talking about a bathroom. He finally sought advice from the parish priest. They concluded that she must mean a Wayside Chapel. The lady received the following letter a few days later.

"-Dear Madam:
The W.C. is located 9 miles from the house, in the heart of a beautiful grove of trees. It will seat 150 people at one time, and is open on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays.

Some people bring their lunch and make a day of it. On Thursdays there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are very good. The slightest sound can be heard by everyone. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband at the W.C. We are now in the process of taking donations to purchase plush seats. We feel that this is a long-felt need, as the present seats have holes in them.

My wife, being rather delicate, hasn't been able to attend regularly. It has been six months since she last went. Naturally, it pains her not to be able to go more often.

I will close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible, and will be happy to save you a seat either down front or near the door, as you prefer."
--Author Unknown~
Excerpted from The Commencement
Address of Roger Dunker~

--On the Lighter Side ~~

--LIFE BEGINS?

-A preacher, a priest and a rabbi were having their usual morning cup of coffee at the local coffee shop. On this particular morning, they were discussing the point at which life begins.

"Life begins at conception," the priest said emphatically.
"No," countered the rabbi. "I believe life begins at birth."
The preacher sipped his coffee as he pondered the question and finally said, "You're both wrong. Life begins when the last child has left home and the dog dies!"
--Anonymous~

------
--SUNDAY SCHOOL LESSONS~

-The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the preschool teacher in our Kentucky church decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals.

"I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees."

The children looked at her blankly.
"I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns."

No response. This wasn't going well at all!
"I'm usually brown or gray, but sometimes I can be black or red."

Desperate, the teacher turned to a perky four-year-old who was usually good about coming up with the answers.
"Michelle, what do you think?"

Michelle looked hesitantly at her classmates and replied, "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus--but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

--Susan Webber~~