-----HUMOR / One Liners ~~
---

--A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class

Because it was a weapon of math disruption===
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--No matter how much you push the envelope,

It'll still be stationery==
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--A dog gave birth to puppies near

The road and was cited for littering==
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--A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would

Result in linoleum Blownapart==

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--Two silkworms had a race-

They both ended up in a tie===
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--A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall,

The police are looking into it++
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--Atheisim is a non-prophet organization ~~
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Two hats were hanging on a hat-rack-

One hat said to the other : you stay here;

I'll go on ahead===
~~~~~~~~
--That's All Folks.... Share a smile, they're contagious!

-HUMOR AND SHORT CLEAN JOKES~~

--'One thing I'll say for my wife, she's a very neat housekeeper. If I drop my socks on the floor, she picks them up. If I throw my clothes around, she hangs them up.
I got up at 3 o'clock the other morning, went into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. I came back and found the bed made.'
~~~~~~~~
-"I wonder if my husband will love me when my hair is gray?"

"Why not? He's loved you through three shades already."
~~~~~~~
-The wife comes home and tells her husband, "I just got back from the beauty shop.'

Husband replies, 'What's the matter? Was it closed?'
~~~~~~~~~
-A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole right in the seat of your trousers."

'Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
~~~~~~~
--Wife: 'You both arrived at that cab at the same time. Why did you let him have it? Why didn't you stand up for your rights?'

--Husband: 'He needed it more than I did. He was late to his karate class.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
--Wife: 'Look at the old clothes I have to wear. If people came to visit, they would think I was the cook!'

--Husband: 'Well, they'd change their minds if they stayed for dinner!'
~~~~~~~~~~
--Wife: 'Darling, you know that cake you asked me to bake for you? Well, the dog ate it.'

-Husband: 'That's okay, dear. Don't cry. I'll buy you another dog!'
~~~~~~~~~~
-The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds.
~~~~~~~~~

--Crusty Characters~~
--His trouble is too much bone in the head and not enough in the back.
~~~~
--He has a concrete mind..permanently set and all mixed up.
~~~
--He's a man of rare intelligence..it's rare when he shows any.

--You know, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose!

--You could make a fortune if you could buy him for what you think of him and sell him for what he thinks of himself

--He's a second-story man; no one ever believes his first story.

--When she meets another egotist, it's an I for an I.

--He doesn't want anyone to make a fuss over him...just to treat him s they would any other great man.

--She is so nervous that she keeps coffee awake.

--He's the real decisive type..he'll give you a definite "maybe."

--He left his job because of illness and fatigue. His boss got sick and tired of him. ~~

--Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

--He's one person who would make a perfect stranger!

--She made him a millionaire. Before she married him, he was a billionaire. ~~

--He can stay longer in an hour than most people do in a week.

--There's no doubt he's trying. In fact, he's very trying.
~~~~~~~~~~~

--WHEW!
I just don't understand it. I woke up, had a cup of coffee, and did some work around the house. I didn't sleep well. I had about 30 minutes to be at the office, so I knew I could take my time.
Then to top it off...........
<http://www.memes.com/img/777669>

--It took me 10 minutes to find out what's wrong with this picture.
DUH~
<http://www.memes.com/img/740668>