Demi,

To say that this illness is not fair is an understatement. However, it sounds like you are doing a lot to support yourself and trying to make through the long haul on this.

I've found myself in that terrified place, too. I have been terrified of what damage this metal may do in my body, I've been terrified of how dysfunctional I've become by not being able to work and earn money, and I've been terrified of losing my mind as my emotions are tossed on this rollercoaster from hell.

Yet, I've found that the bad times eventually fade and I experience a pain-free existence again, until the next time, the next round, the next dip, the cycle.

Hang in there for the long haul. It sounds like you are doing everything possible to beat this.