Aaron,

You said...


I truly believe that you cannot bring strength into a relationship if you're needy or afraid. I've also learned that there are no shortcuts in life. There are things that look like shortcuts, but they actually lead you back to where you started, and not without some pain.

I also can't tell you how often people try to get Laura and I to have a relationship. It's just an accepted part of our friendships with other people.

There is a saying...

"Principles are not broken; they are violated and people are broken."

Learned that years ago from the amazingly brilliant people in the U.S. Taxpayers Party (now the Constitution Party) which I worked for (and so did Laura). We worked right at the top of the Florida group and discovered that this is an amazing group of brilliant people.

Anyway, the saying sounds kinda' cold but really, it's excellent. It's like a roadmap saying, "Don't go down here or you'll be sorry." It's really good to know so you can avoid trying shortcuts or breaking principles.

About being single...

I have had many great relationships, almost all of which would have become marriages if I hadn't been on mercury. I was too reluctant to commit (too afraid because of the mercury) and I missed out, nevertheless, I am happy being single, but it wasn't easy getting here.

The bottom line for me is that I'm a believer in Christ. I'm not a dumbed-down, emotionally-based, glazed-faced believer either. I'm an intellect who has searched, researched, considered, reconsidered, contemplated, computed and reputed and finally came up with the answer to the universe...

42

Just kidding (name that movie)!

I'm a real believer that has discovered through research that the Bible is what it says it is and Christ is exactly who He says He is. I don't color the truth to fit my feelings. For me, that would be meaningless and incredibly arrogant of me. I prefer to learn the truth and then swim downstream—"let the data lead you." as some great scientists have said in reference to not letting selfish emotion color your perception.

That's not to say everything in my life is the way I want it to be. It isn't. But I'm headed in the right direction and if I die tomorrow, I can have peace about it.

I'm saying all this to say that I believe anyone can feel this way if they're willing to do the work—and believe me, it takes work. The work to know themselves, to find Truth for themselves (everyone has to do this for themselves but not by themselves), and to get comfortable with life. Not easy, but few things good are easy. If you have a mind—which I get a strong impression that you do, and a good one at that—you're equipped for the climb.

It's not a race. Just a path to take at your own pace.

For me, it's been an uphill battle all the way, and with one attempted suicide that virtually none of my family even know about (are there any watching this forum <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> ), years of depression, a lost childhood, foster homes, much physical pain and tens-of-thousands of tears (I hide them well), I made it here to a place where I am basically happy, but with lots of room or improvement.

Would I like family? You bet, in a big way. I've never cheated on a girlfriend, love long walks on the beach, must love dogs... (kidding) <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Learned to be content in the condition I'm in and have accepted that work keeps me from almost any social life which keeps me from any relationships, and all this for over 7 years now. Not ironically, I started this business (Herb Allure) in 1997.

I know this mercury thing is giving you a really hard time but I'm convinced you'll make it though and you'll have one amazing story to tell, and you should tell it all the time to anyone who will listen. It will be a tremendous encouragement to them and will move people in a way that my story never will.

One of my sayings when times get hard is stolen from an old REO song... "Keep pushing". Funny to say, I actually said that today because I'm suffocating in my work load and trying not to get overwhelmed.

I would love to see you consider some of these therapies that are working for other people. Have you tried the bentonite bath thing? That may really help you. Actually, I'd really like to know if it works for you knowing how much trouble you're going through.

Well, I hope you keep pushing and keep searching for any source of exposure to anything that may be aggravating your symptoms. There is indeed a cause for everything and there is a reason you're having much trouble with this. We just have to continue searching and we'll find out what it is.

And remember, if you feel suicidal, call someone for help. I felt suicidal most of my life when the mercury was in and it's very difficult to deal with, I know very well, but I'm so very glad I kept going. Now I have people who come back and thank me for the work I do in my life and it's my greatest reward and most powerful motivation to hear those words.

You're on that road as well so please keep us posted and let me know if you decided to try one of those baths.

All the best (it's coming!)...