i'm just gonna write my thoughts because i don't know where else to really. i don't even know what to say becuase i hate to [censored] and moan but this is such a horrible condition. i feel it's injustice even though there are worst things out there.

from day one of my life i've had severe toxicity, fatigue and mental illness. i'm trying to do this but it's not working. the perfectionism that goes with building the body so that i can detox this [shoot] outta me. if you cheat you are set back to square one. the thought that it could take years of perfectionism while your body craves everything that poisons it just seems impossible.

it makes me wanna give up and die. i just wanna be more functional. i wanna be working and having relationships. everyday it's movies, video games, exhaustion, depression and no life. I WANNA LIVE! but i don't know if i'm strong enough to follow some perfect horrible diet and program every single day for years while i'm depressed the rest of the time. this just seems too hard and my life is passing by.