I'm really amazed at what a roller-coaster I am on now. I mean literally, I can be feeling so low that I feel like killing myself at one time in the day, and quite upbeat and confident another. It's getting to be a bit alarming; I keep wondering where the real "me" is underneath all this.

What's amazing, also, is that I'm feeling all these emotions at all. It feels increasingly like I'm going back to the time before the antidepressant and the withdrawal damage, which left me emotionally numb for so long. And I'm getting little glimpses of what it actually felt like to be "normal." I can't believe what a wonderful feeling it is. I didn't know I was born. After everything I've been through, just living a day of that -- something I always took for granted -- would be a treasure.

I am hoping that with continued chelation, things will even out and the good will start to outweigh the bad. The bad is really, really bad and it interferes with my ability to do my job and live the rest of my life.