Hi Jeanie

There are indeed lots of good reasons to wait, when your not ready for anything it’s dangerous, who’d let their 12 year old drive a car on a freeway for instance. One more interesting statistic, I’m full of them lately aren’t I, was from a study in Queensland some time ago, children who were raised with the abstinence only sex education message started having sex earlier on average than those who were given a full and honest sex education. I agree with you, obviously, that the full picture in an age appropriate way is by far the best and the stats bear that out time and again and from many different countries.

Jeanie: We also have our kids wait to date till they are 16. They generally handle "situations" much better at that point and statistics on that bear out that percentages of those who dated earlier than 16 were sexually active much earlier on than those who waited. It sounds obvious the way I put it (obviously no one is going to be sexually active if not even dating but not what I mean. Kind of put it backwards, but you get the point???).

R2: I’ve known people who waited till they were married and people who were early starters and to be honest both approaches have their problems. Obviously there are risks if you start too early, emotional and physical risks but of those who waited till they were married there is one problem that I’ve seen time and again, what if your not compatible? It’s a crude way to put it but “try before you buy” isn’t such a foolish idea IMHO. That way both of you can work out if you really are compatible before you get married. And I’m not just talking about sexual compatibility though that’s part of it but living together will give you a chance to experience day to day life with them and that’s a very different thing to just going out together. That may well be part of why atheist marriages are more successful than fundamentalist christian ones on average. I have a fundamentalist christian friend who’s heading for divorce from his wife for this exact reason, they waited till they were married for sex and to live together. They’re going through counselling now but from what he’s told me that incompatibility is one of the major underlying reasons for their problems.

Jeanie: I was waiting for that one.... (try before you buy). I waited 2.5 years before marrying my husband. Tweren't easy....But we knew we had chemistry already but also knew each other well and became friends first. (And its how he knew he could trust me). My daughter was friends with her husband for about a year but when they drove out to ID together after talking over the summer (he came up and picked her up along with his sister and her spouse and a few other college guys from BYU). Their relationship went really quickly after that and they could barely wait... (young - she is almost 21 and he's about 23??). But both were virgins. My 17 year old has already kissed but not to the making out degree. (The other had "virgin lips" when she went out to college but the other has been tempted more early on and has dated more already : ) Anyway - it has worked for us. I think its important to date around a bit, too. (Another thing you can't do (without just being promiscuous) as well if involved to early on). I've known people who didn't date much who married their first loves early on and didn't get to play the field who felt a little antsy after a while cause they had nothing to compare their husbands to. I was sure about my husband. Not that we haven't had our bumps, but we have a deep committment. Oh, one other issue is that once people get involved sexually they are more prone to feeling committed when the person they are intimate with may not be a good choice...(but the involvement has limited their choices).


R2: On the other hand I’ve met up again with a couple of people I went to school with who were early starters and today they have only good things to say about their early years and they are now happily married with teen age kids, good jobs etc and are having a great life. I don’t think either approach is right for everyone. One size fits all answers are usually wrong for many people if not most. We are indeed all individuals.

The mouse studies are interesting, those results surprise me in mice due to their stronger instinct based lives but I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find a correlation like that in humans. I can just imagine some of the ladies from sex and the city being bad mothers for exactly this reason though who knows, maybe they’d calm down and be great at it if their motherly instincts kicked in.

Jeanie: I think they were voles...some kind of rodent but not mice.

R2: (Raped)!!! Ouch sorry Jeanie. Some men are horrible. I’ve heard from far too many of my friends that they have been raped or molested. It’s far too common in our society today. Just recently one of my friends daughters, who’s 13 but looks 18, was attacked in a park on her walk home from school. She did a good job though stuck her fingernails in his eyes and ran off before he could do more than grab her. I hope he learned a lesson from that.

Jeanie: This guy had a cohort but they were only a year or so older than me at the time. I know he has felt bad about it over the years and actually feel kind of sorry for him. But I've actually felt scared of these little hormonal boys at school before probably partly due to that experience.... They are driven without the maturity. I couldn't believe I heard it, but I took these 3 9th graders back down to the room when the rest of the class was in the library so they could grab change to make copies and one of them said, "hey, what would happen if we jumped you?" I blew it off, but it shook me up a little. The main teacher found where it was written "Mrs. ______ (my name) is hot." Flattering for an old lady, but also disturbing.... The other teacher was saying they have sexual thoughts every so many seconds. (This was a biology class : ) I actually feel sorry for kids nowdays.... Things are so sexualized and young girls grow up thinking they have to be sexy so young. There is a book out, "Reviving Ophelia" written by a psychologist who deals with adolescent females and she talks about how difficult it is because the girls often aren't true to themselves. There was a sweet girl in the class I've been subbing in like that. My heart went out to her; she was kind of lost. So needy of attention and eager to please.

R2: Me I much prefer a woman with a brain, it’s one of the things I particularly love about my wife. She’s a very clever lady. She’s beautiful too by the way ?? and obviously I’m not biased at all.

Jeanie: That is sweet : ) My husband makes me feel good about myself. We need a lot of assurance usually. (Women). He's built up my confidence a lot over the years.

R2: I don’t believe we are here to learn self control though I agree that we should, without it we can’t be the best people or build the happiest society that we could hope for.

Jeanie: Of course I'm speaking in terms of trying to let our spirits take control our bodies, but that wouldn't make sense to you.

In fact, my husband and I are older and we like to have sex once a year whether we feel like it or not just to keep things lively! (J/K : )

LOL!!!

(Yes, UT is Utah : )

You can tell I’m not from around there can’t you?

All the best.

Russell