For example , one elder was approached by a women who told of years of verbal battering by her husband ,
a fellow worshiper.

The elder arranged to meet with the two of them.
As each one spoke , he asked the other to listen without interruption.

When it was the wife's turn , she said she could no longer tolerate her husband's explosive anger.
For years , she explained ,
she had a knot in her stomach at the end of each day,
never knowing weither he would be in a angry mood when he walked throught the door.

When he exploded , he would say demeaning things about her family,her friends, and her very person.

The elder asked the wife to explain how her husbands words made her feel.
" I felt like I was this bad person whom no one could love, "
she replied.

I would sometimes ask my mother, Mom, am I a difficult person to live with ?

Am I unloveable ?"

As she described how his words made her feel, her husband began to cry.
For the first time, he could see how deeply he had been hurting his wife with his words.