But abusive speech in marriage is more then that ;
it involves demeaning and critical speech that is intended to dominate,or control, one's spouse.

Sometimes harmfull speech is disguised in a veneer of mildness.
For example, the palmist David described a man who was soft- spoken, yet inward sinster:
" Smoother than butter are the words of his mouth,
but his heart is disposed to fight.
His words are softer then oil, but they are drawn swords."
{ Psalm 55:21 } { Proverbs 26:24,25 }

Whether outwardly malicious or camouflaged ,
harsh speech can devastate a marriage.