miriam - I haven't a lot of time right now, but...when I am angry, like I was when I was venting and Steve corrected me I need to remember what is in the Bible. Romans 8:28 "For we know that all things work together for GOOD to those who love God, to those who are the called, according to His purposes" (emphasis mine - from memory - so may not be exact). It says ALL things - not just the things that seem good to us. A child of God can go through anything - even martyrdom - assured that God's purpose for this is for his good. I am going to seek to remember this from now on.