I'm not judging you and your journey so to speak LL. I came to a point I almost decided against organized religion myself! I actually understand. Actually I believe some of the myths of the ages WERE associated with a kernel of truth as RAZD put it. But I woulld caution for humility here... Just found a reference that is rather humbling.

Abraham 3:25. “We Will Prove Them”
President Ezra Taft Benson succinctly restated the message
of Abraham 3:25 when he said: “The great test of life is
obedience to God” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 3; or
Ensign, May 1988, 4). We are not here to test or “prove”
God, but to be tested and proved ourselves. We are on
trial, not God.
Elder Rex C. Reeve Sr., who was a member of the Seventy,
said: “This life is a time of testing. It is not the reward
time. That will come later. We are here being tested. The
test is going on now!” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1982,
37; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 26).