MY mother jas just came to me and told me that seeing as I'm looking worse and worse and suffering more and more (not that it has anyrthing to do wrth progressing illness) if i dont start "treatment" (we know exactly which type she meant...) she will go to court and have me committed, I said that she can but if she does that and goes to such extremes I will simply hate them for it (dont really feel like I have a choice). i started arguing with her of course finally yelling cause i cant contain myself anymore like when i was healthier, and actually each time i raised to voice was when she suggested its all in my head, after i had told her that all i want from her is just a little trust in me, well finally she said wat i knew they thought of me all long : "it's all in your head!". and then i smashed two cups over the wall. well they got their proof.

still utimately dont regret it.



ps. oh I know most people are so sick of my ranting, and i really understand that, ao really no need to respond , wont feel offenned may this post just be a testament to how this illness ruins people's lives.

Hi Jinx, I am very lucky that I was not committed and I cannot tell you how close I came to that many many times over. But I was fortunate that my Father (perhaps through prayer) had some strength to cope with this and knew that if I was committed, that would probably be the finish of me. Because I cannot imagine what kinds of medication I would have been given to worsen my already very toxic condition. No amount of psychoanalysis can do a thing if your problem is related to toxicity/physical illness. You cannot do much about the chemicals being messed up in your brain/body because of a volatile toxin. Antidepressants used to make me worse and caused side effects in me.

I wish I knew what to suggest, as you have tried so much, so many times. Diet, cleanses, enemas, chelation etc etc. I could go on and on. And still you remain like this. Your parents are simply reacting to your condition and the only judgement call they can make is based on your behaviour. Even if that "behaviour" isn't your fault, but rather illness.

I don't know what to say. I wish there was a way for you to be kept where you are and not committed. Yet I have no idea what state you are in from this distance. Whether or not they feel you are a threat to them or yourself, I don't know. Some people handle people like us better than others, or remove themselves more from the situation. Offering support, but at the sametime, keeping themselves as strong as they can, which can seem cruel at the time when they distance themselves, but in hindsight, it's a terrible thing to handle, both for the victim and those who live with them!

I am sad by hearing this. I thought perhaps the alpha lipoic acid might have done something to help you. May have given some signs that things might be improving a little. You've tried DMSA as well. You've even tried garlic, cilantro etc, with pretty disastrous results if I recall. Though Cutler's seems to be more tolerable, it seems it's still not pulling you out of this nightmare either. Jinx, seriously, I'm stumped for suggestions right now. If you do have a root canal? I would SERIOUSLY consider having it all removed/cleaned out and stitched up.

i'm not adanger to anyone bex. the cups i brake out of anger only after my family who i believe should always be the ulitmate suport tells me it's all in my head after all i've been through... it so insulting... it's easier for them to believe the styff they want than the truth. anyway, not a danger, it isn't about that it's about them assuming this has to be all psychological and i'm running in circles trying to detox etc one thing is them seeing i'm a danger to myself or others, another is them simply thinkin i'm wasting my life cause they cant understand or dont want to this illness or respect the opiion of the eprson who has been through all this and has no doubt this is not psychological. and yeah i keep explaining to them all that. anyway, getting too personal, people will probably hate me for it, (lol)

had to stop ala chelation cause got candida again which i cant handle. and honetsly my memory is so messed up that recently mos of the time, feel like mercury problem is from years back and is not my problem anymore. it's like i remmeber but i dont.

and as usual thx bexy, i just wanted to write how EVIL this illness is.

Hi Jinx, hope you weren't offended by that. When I say "danger", I'm genuinely meaning that in times of extreme toxicity, a person "can" be capable of lashing out or doing something serious. I have been close to that many times in those days, but I didn't actually do anything dangerous thank goodness. But the feeling/threat was there often.

Like yourself, I did break cups. And there is a hole in my wall and door from extreme rage outbursts (mercury etc). But luckily I took it out on them and not a person. It didn't help me though. Never felt better after it, just a bit shocked.

I can totally understand your anger. Not only do you have this to deal with, but people who are supposed to be close and supportive being cynical and saying it's just in your mind. Well, hey, in a sense they maybe right. Toxins do indeed affect the brain, they just won't admit it's toxic related. Where else do they think it stems from? There is ALWAYS a cause and often it's chemical imbalance caused by something and usually illness of some kind. The brain is only a part of the body afterall. I don't know why people just want to label it mental problems, but mental problems only stem from a cause in the first place. They don't happen in isolation.

Sorry about the candida and the ALA. Pity eh? I cannot use it either and refuse to touch it again after what happened last time I tried. Just made into a worse problem from then on.

I just bought some probiotics day. Ever since antibiotics a year and a half ago, I have had worsened issues. I try and steer clear of them now and hope I never take them again. I never did do a proper course of probiotics, so I'm going to see how it goes. I'm still on the strict diet.

Take care Jinx and yes this illness and those like it are indeed evil in what they can do to a human being. Whether it's dental toxicity, or something else. I've even heard of diabetics displaying extremely aggressive/nasty behaviours when sugar levels drop. Almost a change in personality, yet of course, still sane at the sametime. So there are MANY diseases out there that affect behaviour and a person's outlook and mental status. I can't imagine how many poor sods are locked up in mental institutions who are perfectly normal, but are suffering from something like this.

PS, saw something here you or someone else might find interesting. I'm not sure I'd get it, but for anybody suffering from gum disease, jawbone infections etc, it might be something to consider if they can afford it http://www.drz.org/asp/store/DetailPage.asp?ProductID=538

no offense at all bex know what u meant. le'ts be honest this stuff can make you downright completely INSANE and it's not some poor sods just bex, virtually all mental illness have to be some sort of brain infections or toxicity how else to explain the fatc that previously psychologicaly normal people act the way they do. calling something 'mental' is just plain convienice of consience, cause mental problem is either psycholigical or biochemical yet it gives the ilusion of giving 'an answer'. "oh, that person has a mental illness, eureka!"

here's a good article i found a couple of days ago: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0ISW/is_249/ai_114820690

watch out with the probiotics bex, i'm not sure they even help me , but make me completely detached, ocd etc... still try and see how u do i guess we need those small probiotic bastards.

Hi Jinx,

I read your post and really felt for you, but didn't know what I could say to help. I think Bex's first post says it all really. Your family don't seem to know what to do about the situation and they are as brainwashed as most of the rest of the public about psych wards. Some people actually commit themselves voluntarily, thinking they can find help there. As we all know, unfortunately what happens is that you end up in a horrible place pumped full of toxic chemicals. If there's anything you can do to enlighten your parents about that reality, it might help them realise that it isn't the solution.

I feel you need to get a thorough battery of tests done. I'm trying to treat my adrenals and thyroid and I want other hormone tests done, but this is very hard to do on your own. and I want to find a doctor who can help. Dr. Peatfield is OK but the fact that he can't prescribe really limits what he can do for me. Still, it's a worthwhile fight because our lives hang in the balance. Hormonal disruption from any cause can wreak havoc in the body. Tests can easily be performed as long as we can find docs who are willing. Do you think your parents might support you in trying to find a doctor and having tests?

I know what the despair is like, I've been through some pretty bad patches lately too and felt like I couldn't cope. I guess we just have to take it day by day, and support each other. You are in my thoughts. I wish I could speak to your parents myself . . . alas.

Best wishes,
Linda.

hey linda, thx very much for your support.



not much chance, already tried like zillion of times, since I've been to an institution last year I spoke to them how people keep coming back there, and that psychiatric treatment is not a solution, that it's a brain disease, and many patients whom I met there and were diagnosed with mental illness had brain lesions and stuff, and many others had symptoms of candida etc. I also keep telling her that all the new research starts to point to he fact that and menal ilnnesses are brain diseases of different kind. it yields nothing really, cause i've reating that like a hundred of times. see, my mother is a retired nurse and worked like decades with docs and anything they say is like scripture to her, and she keeps saying this stupid cliche that "well i know people with mental illnesses finish collegge and stuff" and I keep saying her that every case is different, that those folks may not have that much of coginitive imprament, and huge memory issues, but just heraing things or stuff and they take the meds and are "fine", but in actuality almost ALL people with negative symptoms (which is basically dementai like mine) are not helped by meds. plus those cause all sort of side ieffects, w8 gain, gyno (something as man I would NEVER want to have) and also... guess what? cognitive impairemnt. and even thsoe folks that are supposedly 'fine' get relapses and even when not they probably not fully 100% themselves. nothing linda. it's like all those things hit wall. I even told her of a t friend of mine who's is now divorcing his bipolar husband to whom she was married for like 20y, because after all those years he was still sick and meds wolsnt help him and couldnt live with him anymore. YET througout all thsoe years she came to the same conclusion, that's not psychological but biochemical, that something's wrong. maybe I can ask that freind of mine to talk to them, still I am SICK of trying toconvince my OWN parents ans ask for understadning like a bloody beggar. expect more of them, and would give more to my own child.


not much chance linda, maybe i can get them to run some more tests and find a doctor, but finding a good holistic doc in poland is almost next to impossible, and with my luck tests will come ok or almost ok, and each such test will bring their closer to their conlusions that they are right. adn even if i do find a doc, from what i gather from differet boards in poland (candida/lyme) tehy still know less than most patients, and will probably dismiss my own findings about my body, and if I try to arue with them I will be the "stubbron , psycholgicially difficult one". Plus money is a great issue, and maybe my parants could invest but they expect it would pay off, and so far it hasn't.

but again thanx for your support linda. and sorry to hear about you feeling bad recently.

Linda,extensive testing isn't the answer, if the physician has no idea how to deal with what is abnormal. Many years ago my blood tests showed mild anemia with poikilocytosis(abnormally shaped red blood cells) however the physicians couldn't understand why it was occuring, or why I was having so much fatigue. I was taking iron, folic acid, B12,magnesium, calcium vitamin c, other B vitamins, etc. I even had some vitamin c iv drips, but the relief was very temporary. Recently I did a Google search of mercury poikilocytosis, and sure enough a number of pages stated that mercury could cause poikilocytosis. Many years ago I suggested to a physician that my many mercury fillings might be making me sick, so the physician ordered a blood test for mercury. The results did not show an elevated level(now I realize that such a test is worthless). The problem with mercury toxicity is not just the mercury itself, however when the body's detoxification channels are blocked other toxins as well accumulate and cause problems.

Jinx, imo you need to take some control over your feelings, and don't outwardly express these negative feelings. I know that at times I have horrible feelings due to the discomfort and frustration I feel. Expressing them to others though isn't productive, and might make others much less sympatic rather than being more sympathetic. You shouldn't expect others who don't have this illness to understand what you are going though. Therefore it is best not to tell them everything. Problems might occur though if they pressure you to do things that you are physically incapable of doing. In those instances you need to try to explain to them why you can't do these things. Try not to express any anger. Try to be as calm as possible when expressing this.

Jinx

I don't know how things work in Poland, but here in the US being committed can cost you problems for your future. Some of your rights and opportunities can be taken away, insurance and employment problems, higher premiums, private information is not so private anymore, the stigma of being "committed" etc... It sort of goes on your permanent record, even though that record is supposed to be confidential. Even then certain people will have access to it. Not to mention long term effects of "treatment" which is focused on keeping you going back for more. There has been talk recently in the US about the push of laws to not allow people who have been committed in any way, to own firearms. The degree of commitment is also not always made - the law could lump you in the same category as the stereotypical crazy nutjob.

I am not saying that you don't need help, and I am not even saying that you shouldn't be committed (although I think it is nearly always a bad idea). I am just making sure you understand what a problem being committed can CAUSE. I don't know how old you are but if your parents do have power to put you away, you might want to pacify them until you are able to make your own choice in the matter. I don't know what kind of "treatment" you are being forced to undergo, but it doesn't sound like it is in alignment with the path you are trying to take, with you being on this website and all.....

Hi JK98, just a word about tests. Many of them can show you as being "normal" when you are not. It can be very hard to know which ones to have, and to convince your doctor to give them to you on top of that. And yes, I agree that they can be puzzling too. They may show that you have a certain condition, but often it's a symptom of an underlying problem.

I think the answer is for us to educate ourselves. I went to a private holistic doctor who got the right tests for me, which showed some of the problems I'm having. My NHS GP calls this "quackery" and it's going to be almost impossible to get him on board with what I need. Still, I self-treat and I know many others who do. Once you know which tests are likely to help you, you can order them yourself and there are ways of getting them interpreted. You can get quite a few prescription meds off the internet now. In my case, I have hypoadrenia and hypothyroidism. I am taking hydrocortisone and am waiting for a T3 thyroid med. If my GP never helps me, I have the help of the private doctor (who cannot prescribe) and the internet.

Maybe Jinx has some similar mercury-related problems. I don't think my own are mercury-related, though I think that chelating with weak adrenals really hurt me. Ohers here who are chelating, also treat symptoms they have while they address the underlying mercury problem as well. If the symptoms are getting in the way of living your life then I can understand this.

Sheesh, mum's a nurse . . . that's a hard one. Like I said, Jinx, I feel for you. Don't stop looking for help or answers though. What kind of health care system does Poland have -- is it national or privatised?

I have to agree with this. Over the years of going through this hell and outwardly expressing it to my Father, he became more hardened towards it many times and in fact, even if he WAS sympathetic, I still could not really calm down. Either way, it took me many years to finally start shutting up. That may sound unhealthy, but I can assure you, expressing it didn't help either and in fact, often wound me up more and more. I finally had to let it out in the privacy of my own room. Yes he would hear me, but I kept away from him and if I couldn't hold back the screaming, I would get into my own closet instead and shut the doors. Depending on how serious the episode was. It seems odd now that this ever happened and I cannot figure out why the screaming? But it came out of me from severe toxicity, and in a way not able to be properly controlled.

So I learned with much pain to steer clear and keep it to myself. But that is extremely hard when you are in the throws of mercury and sometimes it seems you're being controlled by it. It takes a lot of will to turn yourself back into your room and not express it to others as much, because the extreme urge to explode in the presence sometimes of a family member is almost irresistable. It's almost an insane sense of screaming for an answer or reassurance, but no matter what is given, nothing seems to be relieved. I was young too, as I've aged, something has changed too. perhaps years of pain, and maturing, I do not know, but something has shut off in that area. I've learned now to keep it as private as i can. My father just shuts off if I do express it, as he knows where it's heading and how I wind myself up to such an extent, that there is no remedy. Though his lack of sympathy also angers me, but I think it's a form of self protection (for him). Either that, or it's just the way he is. But a wall goes up when he senses it's heading that way. Now, I just leave. I get extremely volatile towards his lack of sympathy/empathy, but it does no good ranting at him. It gets me and him nowhere and i seriously have been close to hitting him over the head (he's probably felt the same way).

As I am not outside of it, I do not know how it is from their angle. So I cannot say whether they are callous, or it's a form of denial and self protection. Not sure. It's an agnosing illness and one in which appears to cause extreme outbursts and need for reassurance....yet when given, it doesn't seem to satisfy. It's just pain beyond what I can honestly express. I really do believe it depends on seriously a person has this toxicity and where it is. Some manage to hold down jobs and though ill, it may not be affecting them in quite the same way. To where they don't have the extreme rage and aggression. It can also make you very passive too. The symptoms can swing. They can also increase markedly during detox.

Jinx, I don't know how to help to be honest. I don't know how to get you to do the opposite of what the mercury is moving you towards. I am fully aware of what it can do and it's like having an entity inside you. Very very bizzare stuff.

Jinx this is the first time ive ever responded to one of your posts but i believe im pretty much in a similar position to you. Chelation with the big hitters leaves me in a disasterous state. ALA is like poison to me and i refuse to take it. I always think diet is the most important and making sure your liver is healthy. If you can tolerate a liver flush do it. No amount if chelating is going to help if your endocrine system is messed up like mine. Every day for me is a nightmare but slowly slowly less so. Im using the natural HMD homeopathic thing right now as its the only thing that works for me in any way. DMSA is too harsh and ALA..well i wont go there again. If you have candida really bad and have the money i recommend so much Formula SF722 it absolutely wonderful and saved my life. Seriously there are no side effects and that is something in itself. Drink lemon water every morning to help clean your liver. PM me if you want to talk about it because i think we are in the same boat with regards to chelation problems. Love and light..stuart

I'm so sorry, Jinx. I wish I knew a solution for you, or had some advice. People are really "brainwashed", and I know my own father has even gotten cranky and raised his voice at me, because he has just thought all these years that I have been a TERRIBLE DAUGHTER (instead of being unhealthy) for not wanting to do all the things he has wanted me to do. He has yelled at me about the mercury, and said, "How do you KNOW that's what it IS?", and goes on to tell me that it doesn't affect him. Hmmm. He's mighty cranky. I know for a fact his fillings do things to him, I see it when he has symptoms that I do, but he passes it off as something else.

Licorice root, dandelion, and milk thistle are great for detoxifying the liver. I am using licorice root and dandelion, and plan to start using milk thistle soon.

thx much guys for your posts, sorry it's gonna be a scarce post, as brain is bad, so far not seeing any 'moves on me' and not talking to my folks really. yet it's posible that institution here I come as brain is really damn bad at the moment.

btw anyone saw the recent news about the lady dying in a mental hospital cause nobody attended to her for over 45 minutes?