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Jinx, imo you need to take some control over your feelings, and don't outwardly express these negative feelings. I know that at times I have horrible feelings due to the discomfort and frustration I feel. Expressing them to others though isn't productive, and might make others much less sympatic rather than being more sympathetic. You shouldn't expect others who don't have this illness to understand what you are going though. Therefore it is best not to tell them everything. Problems might occur though if they pressure you to do things that you are physically incapable of doing. In those instances you need to try to explain to them why you can't do these things. Try not to express any anger. Try to be as calm as possible when expressing this.

I have to agree with this. Over the years of going through this hell and outwardly expressing it to my Father, he became more hardened towards it many times and in fact, even if he WAS sympathetic, I still could not really calm down. Either way, it took me many years to finally start shutting up. That may sound unhealthy, but I can assure you, expressing it didn't help either and in fact, often wound me up more and more. I finally had to let it out in the privacy of my own room. Yes he would hear me, but I kept away from him and if I couldn't hold back the screaming, I would get into my own closet instead and shut the doors. Depending on how serious the episode was. It seems odd now that this ever happened and I cannot figure out why the screaming? But it came out of me from severe toxicity, and in a way not able to be properly controlled.

So I learned with much pain to steer clear and keep it to myself. But that is extremely hard when you are in the throws of mercury and sometimes it seems you're being controlled by it. It takes a lot of will to turn yourself back into your room and not express it to others as much, because the extreme urge to explode in the presence sometimes of a family member is almost irresistable. It's almost an insane sense of screaming for an answer or reassurance, but no matter what is given, nothing seems to be relieved. I was young too, as I've aged, something has changed too. perhaps years of pain, and maturing, I do not know, but something has shut off in that area. I've learned now to keep it as private as i can. My father just shuts off if I do express it, as he knows where it's heading and how I wind myself up to such an extent, that there is no remedy. Though his lack of sympathy also angers me, but I think it's a form of self protection (for him). Either that, or it's just the way he is. But a wall goes up when he senses it's heading that way. Now, I just leave. I get extremely volatile towards his lack of sympathy/empathy, but it does no good ranting at him. It gets me and him nowhere and i seriously have been close to hitting him over the head (he's probably felt the same way).

As I am not outside of it, I do not know how it is from their angle. So I cannot say whether they are callous, or it's a form of denial and self protection. Not sure. It's an agnosing illness and one in which appears to cause extreme outbursts and need for reassurance....yet when given, it doesn't seem to satisfy. It's just pain beyond what I can honestly express. I really do believe it depends on seriously a person has this toxicity and where it is. Some manage to hold down jobs and though ill, it may not be affecting them in quite the same way. To where they don't have the extreme rage and aggression. It can also make you very passive too. The symptoms can swing. They can also increase markedly during detox.

Jinx, I don't know how to help to be honest. I don't know how to get you to do the opposite of what the mercury is moving you towards. I am fully aware of what it can do and it's like having an entity inside you. Very very bizzare stuff.