linda, that's the thing I'm trying to get to people, that's not about focusing on drama INSTEAD OF seeking practical solustions, of course pratcical solutions are the answer to the problem! But sometimes due to illness your are stuck no matter wat. You ve been here long enough linda to know toxicity issues are not psychological, if it affects your brain enough to screw your thinking your planning etc then its IMPOSSIBLE to plan your next move. Hence the frustration, hence the "f* this and that" posts, it's NOT about CHOOSING self-pity and drama OVER practical solutions. So sick will probably find it hard to believe but I was never pro-drama, always found it fruitless. But dramatising is when u can do things but u choose drama. But I was never against keeping extreme suffering inside oneself either. And aside from mental issues that are restraining you there are other, like financial. So if you're really STUCK and nor responidng depsiete EFFORTS then what can you do other than vent? Cause I guess killing yourself would be the other option.

I know u mean well Linda and I'm really grateful for your trying to help but unfortunetely some people dont understand how extremely difficult at times other's situation is. I know your problem was depression, well my problem is not depression but really bad cognitive function which is bordeline schizophrenic most of the time and that's different. I had clinical depression once a few years ago (now know due to candida probably) and that was the time i managed to find myself a job despite that. And I'm not bellittling anyone's experience att all just saying everyone's case is different and seeming dramatizing is just proportional to one's suffering.

And yes I will focus on pratcical stuff once i get some mental ground back, cause I know all people here (even so sick) are a valuble source of help and information, and we need to educate ourselves to get better. But without that mental ground? You're stuck one way or another.

Yesterday I finished (surprise surprise so sick, the self-pittying me was actually doing something at the time) an ala round - first one since a long time cause i couldnt handle chelation - and did an enema like an hour ago and I found writing this partcular post a bit easier than the previous. will see how i will feel tomorrow or the next day, maybe todays a good sign just dont wanna be prematurely optimistic cause been let down many times (which for so sick's record: is not negativity but cautiousness in jumping to conclusions).