dawn - thx for your compassion my friend but i dont consider myself the wirst hit here. i eamn i know I am really like top 10? lol but really not me to judge, but it's probbaly so sick who thinks i think of myself as the worse sufferer on earth (where i am not) and just want to draw attention or something.

what I am saying everybody is ulitemetly the judge of themsleves, and if their suffering is exteme and they cant handle it they should have full right to say what's on their mind, as long as they are not offending anyone. so sick unfrtunetely would like to believe that suffering can be measureable and comparable.