jinx,

i feel for ya dude. you gotta hang in there though and keep tryin'. as for God and Jesus, i've had a tough time myself with having a relationship. i can't control my mind, my emotions, stress, energy level, and i've suffered from day one cuz i've had metals since birth passed down from my mother. so its hard having relationships with humans much less the God who is in control of the whole world while i'm suffering. i've asked the same questions as you; "why am i suffering?" "what is the purpose of my life?" "how could such a great and loving God allow such torment happen to me?" they go on and on.

for a long time i didn't know who God really was and i practiced religion and i think a lot due to the ocd and my alcoholic domineering father. my dad has abused me and his loved ones since i have known him. i remember being a 7 year old kid and him punching me and the next day he confess Jesus' name. i have first hand knowledge of what you are talking about when it comes to hypocrites. what that man did was confuse me my entire life with his religion and fundamentalism. but i now realize his dad did the same to him. doesn't justify his actions but thats how it happened. so basically i was never showed or taught who God really is.

what i do know is that He is real and the Bible is true despite all the contradictions, wrong teaching, and examples like my father. Jesus loves us period. it's all hard to understand i know and there is so much injustice in the world and going on with yourself. myself included. there's been all this crazy rhetoric going on with God and religion etc in this forum. but Jesus isn't religion. what He wants is a relationship with us. and if anyone is gonna come at you preaching to you, judging you or others, then that isn't of Jesus. the closer someone is to Jesus, the more love they are gonna have in their heart and for others. they will exude love and love you even though they don't know you. christians love people just like Jesus loves. so whenever someone starts talking of God(Jesus), look for that and you'll know.

man, i know you're scared, confused on what to do, suffering, and what is going on with you is indeed injustice. what's going on with me is injustice. we didn't get poisoned because we rebelled. i was poisoned from birth and i think you were at a young age too if i'm not mistaken. that was the natural order of things that played out. God didn't poison us and He didn't poison my mom cuz she did something wrong. a lot of the world naturally plays out unfortunately and a lot of the time it isn't good.

what i suggest man is that you just talk to God and try and form a relationship with Him. if you want to, ask Jesus if He is real to come into your life. ask Him to show Himself somehow in your life. every person on earth is imperfect so He asks that you ask for forgiveness for things that you've done wrong. doesn't mean you are a bad person but that only through Jesus can you be made perfect in God's eyes. God wants you to believe in His son to be your savior of this world. i know it all sounds religious and stuff but it's real.

i've seen too many times and talked to too many people about what God has done in their life. i'm an investigator and like i said, i've asked the same things you have so i got to the bottom of it. usually miracles don't happen although they definitely can happen. but God takes care of his children. He takes care of their needs. i know you have learned a lot about mercury but He could guide you to someone or the right avenue of getting the ball rolling for you to start getting better. He'll start putting people in your life. just the right people for you. it is mysterious but that's how He works. also, when you ask Jesus in your heart, it's a ticket to heaven which is for free.

i hope its ok that i spoke about this. i saw you were asking a lot and i've asked the same questions as you before so i thought i might chip in. hope it helps some.