hello my friends

i am completely loosing the battle. my brain has regressed to a point where i'm a 10yo boy in a 25yo man body. i am compeltely shut off from the world, losing memory and have no intellect. i'm more and more showing signs of paraonia anc cant find myself in the real wolrd. i dont know whom to trust, i cant judge people anymore, my opinions are compeltely irrational and biased, wan to blame everyone, dont know why. dont' get tv, what u guys are discussing here anymore. every day is worse everyday. just more of the brain shutting down and getting ore comatose. i ahve no hope, no strength to carry on anymore. though i want to.it's all like a destert.

i believe theyre calling it schziphrenia.

and my (especially left) brain feels irreversably damaged.


it's like a no-win situation. someone even suggested to returnig to faith again, and conversion, confession and sacrament as last resort and rescue. someone suggested to me i may be under the influence of demons (not possessed though) who are responsible for my ongoing bad luck, and after the conversion i would be immune to them. but i'm not suere i want to believe those things, so many contradictions in the christian aith, like why do i have to turn to religion where i really dont want to ba a religious person. the way those (good) people who suggested me turning to faith say, either you converse or you wont get healed, it's like an ultimatum. (sure they say: u have free will. yeah). it's like it's not enough to be a good person who WANTS TO DO good things in life. it's like it's bad to wan to have a normal life. like it's a sin.

or how can i even believe when i am brain dead? why do i have to confess when most of my sins in my life where an indirect consequence of mercury toxicity and other things on my brain? why do i have to cnfess, repent etc when i have suffered already so much? it's like god doesn't want good people, he wants hostages, he wants servants.

so it's a no-win situation. it's all a paradox and counterproductive. if i turn to faith now i will feel like a hypocryte. the only way i imagine myself tuning myself to faith is after i have been healed and gotten my lfie back. after god has shown me HIS MERCY for the first time in his life

yet i am expected now to be repentfull and aksk like a begger for help, when i have aleayd been humiliated enough.


DEFTEATED, DESTROYED, PARADOX,

hope u guys are doing good.

jinx

I believe that God has sent help to you, in your desperation. Will you accept it or not? Your choice. I can only tell you that with the amount of mercury in my own life, nearly died at 6 months in hospital with poisoning from medications which had 50% in, playing with it for weeks on end at age 8 and then all the amalgams from about 7 onwards and to top it all, a massive exposure to pesticide which nearly finished me off again, I would have lost my mind a long time ago if it were not for Him. I came close a few times.

If we live our lives according to how we see fit, and He gives us all that choice, then we put ourselves outside of His help and protection. If we put ourselves in His hands and give Him the trust He should get as our maker and the God of love according to the scriptures, then He can start to put us right and putting us right mentally comes first. I got into a mess in my life because i did things my way, and it is only now that God can sort the mess out and restore my health. Because of my childhood i really messed up and married two men who were/are addicts. I don't know what mess you have made of your life, but you have made your choices.

I don't like religion. I believe in religionless Christianity and I have to look to God and not men and how they act, for the truth. Your friend is right, it is not enough to just want to be good, for the road to hell is paved with good intentions. No God does not want slaves, He wants us to co-operate with Him and the first step is in taking a step in faith that our own reasonings may be wrong. We believe the devil rather than God until we actually get to know Him and to know that He is good and what the Bible says is true and that he will be a real Father to us if we let Him in. He will not be a God out there somewhere but He will live in our hearts and let us get to know Him intimately.

He never turns anyone away no matter how they are and how often they have spurned Him. He is waiting for you jinx. Come to Him jinx and be jinxed no more.

how can you speak of CHOICES when the mind is obscured with mercury, mati? how can we speak of repsonsibility for those choices?

jinx

If you had been living your life with God then you would have had His guidance. I did not take His guidance all of the time due to my own rebelliousness, so i made mistakes and they are my own fault. Even a very small child can turn to Christ.

if mine (or yours) rebeliousness where are a result of living in emrcury poisoning and tshus suffering, how can they be my (or your) fault?!?! did we poison ourselves??

THET'S THE F*** FAITH PARADOX I AM TALKING ABOUT.

DEAAR GOD WHERE THE HEL ARE YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even if we are rebellious either through mercury or abuse, there are times when God tries to get through to us, sends one of His children to point the way to Him and keeps trying with us. He got through to me when I was 23.

He is there jinx, right beside you offering to save you. What have you got to lose? You can always turn away from Him if He has been fooling you.

yes I can try. what do I have to lose?? i don't want to be a hypocryte. i have been so far away from god due to mercury and my suffering, and yes deep inside i blame him, even if i do get better a bit, i dont know if it will be anough to heal all the damage in my heart. and i might not be with god at all or at leata not as close as he or other people would expect.

i just dont want to be ahypocrite. i se ethere are plenty of people who are very religious but there's plenty of hatred and venom in them. i dont want to be like that.

i guess i can't stomach compromises when extreme suffering is present. call me idealistic and naive. if justice is a compromise, it is not justice.

Jinx.

You are poisoned by mercury.

Curing mercury poisoning is via chelation.

Full stop.

Nothing else will help cure you. Mercury poisoning is cured via chelation. No doctors, nurses, friends, cleanses, nor God will do that. You have to chelate to rid your body of the poison.

However…….. doctors, nurses, friends, cleanses and God can SUPPORT you during this nightmare time.

Supporting yourself with supplements and other protocols and GOD is all part and parcel of coping with this $hit. Some people use God to support themselves. It gives them strength to keep battling on. You can too if you wish, but at the moment you are being sidetracked from curing your problem.

Chelation is the only way.

Use God to support you if you can find him, but do not allow God to make matters worse, nor to muddy the waters, nor distract you from what you know is fact.

Fact…you are poisoned by mercury and chelation is the only way out of that hole. With or without God you must chelate.

God passed me by, so I don’t have any God for me to lean on, to be brutally frank, I wish I could have a god to support me, but he has not made himself available to me….so I’m on me own.

sunshine - i ask for god because i chelate and dont see results. i am getting worse.

and i am not sure mercury is my only problem. i am afraid i have recetly suferes series of ministrokes that destroyed my brain or a brain infection that devours my brain as well. dont know hot to look for it and dont have the means. no money, no family support, and most of the time, no brain.

sunshine is right, you have got to chelate. It's not either or it is both, for the best result. Peace in the heart plus chelation<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/dance.gif" alt="" /> He will supply the money if you have put your life in His hands.

It is natural to blame Him jinx. We all do that deep down. Don't look at others jinx, they may only be religious and not true believers. There is a difference.

I think you are very honourable and honest to not want to be a hypocrite.

God accepts us whatever we are like and whatever anger is in our hearts. He knows that we have been deceived and waits ready to heal our minds and hearts and our bodies too by guiding us.

What is peace of mind worth? Is it worth taking a chance?

jinx

I know your fears. I had them too. There is no need to be afraid or worried about what God might expect of you. Once you are safely in His arms, He will prove to you that he is gentle and loving. He will not force anything on you. He only wants your love not your fear or slavish obedience. Those who have been badly damaged by life get His special care. I have no family either and all I have in this world is Christ but that is enough to keep my head right and my heart full of love.

"Come to me and I will give you rest"

When I was in a bad way one evening, and wanting to know the truth I asked Him to show me the truth and I saw the cross in my mind and Jesus on it and I knew then that he had died just for me and loved me. I had never known love before that.

sunshine, He does not pass anyone by. He is there for us all but it depends on how much we want Him. Sometimes we have to get desperate first, we are all hypocrites.

Jinx, you said to me you haven't used ALA just DMSA.

The DMSA won't clear your brain you need to start with the ALA. It sounds like you are severly poisoned so you will have to chelate for a very very long time(maybe years) to get well again.

It's not schizophrenia
It's not demons
It's not mini strokes
It's not exotic infections
It's not god punishing you
It's not spiritual sickness.

You are just poisoned. If you don't clear your brain it won't get better.

Small bit of advice Jinx.

God won't answer you. or me. Or rarely anyone.

Ask for Jesus' help. Yeshua Hamashiach. He always answers.

He's our intecessor with God.

I think God got really sick of us a really long time ago.

i dont know bg if it's solely mercury nor do you.

all I know it all started with mercury. we know mercury can do LOTS OF THINGS indirectly.

it can cause schizophrenia
it can cause ministrokes
it can mess up your brain , so that you are more vulnerable to demons (if to consider they are true)
it can wake up dormant infections that had been in u

yeah it all started witrh mercury but itr doesn't mean getting mercury out will undo those things. if it has put other destroying emchanism in motion, like ministrokes infection it may be too late after u have cleared the mercury.

whether it s or not emrcury i will only be able to tell afterwards.

how understanding of Him.

and I'm not even sure I believe in Jesus Christ. see that's it. if u don't believe the way scripture/people (no offense to you so sick), the system tells you, you get no chance to recover.

damn i'm confused.

can someone explain something to me?

God creates the world. He's omnipotent and omniknowing, so He knows how things are gonna play out. He all knows about adam and evie, and about one of the angels turning againts him - satan.

so He creates man and gives him free will, but creates the man FLAWED because man contrary to HIM does not know true consequences of free will. ok, he has the word of GOD that tells him what to do. but it's not really free will when the only right choice is what the god tells you. not much freedom in it.

so man gets rebelious. and so the history of the world unfolds , all the blood and suffering.

all basically because god created the man FLAWED.

it seems like HE IS THE ORIGINAL ACRHITECT of all this mess. and just expects man to clean up HIS mess on HIS (man's) OWN. oh, yeah sometimes he will help, BUT FIRST you have to come to HIM. too tired to take some responsibility.

to me, sorry guys, it's not surprising who's sick of whom.

God got sick of us along time ago. Hello, what kind of God is that. Bored, tired. Sorry you only confirm with this statement what I've always believed, It' a crutch. I read some of the bible last night. Arn't we suppose to be here to protect the planet and animals and yet in the bible people are asked to sacrifice innocent lambs and some religions still do. Don't think your talking to someone with no insight, my family, my dad's side have always been and still are religioug, My Uncle is a lay preacher and my cousin a Vicar. What your saying SoSIck our ever loving God has forbade us. You religious poople never make a great deal of sense, just adapt things to suit. I thought he was a forgiving God that does not forsake us, Your post makes no sense and I have no idea how you think that could have a positive effect on any believers. If my Uncle or cousin heard you say that, they would consider you to be not a 'real' believer. I think your not, you use him as and when you choose, which I find to be more hypocritical than to say you don't believe at all. By the way SoSIck how big is heaven/ Can all the deceased humans, animal and insects fit in? Good call for Jinx Tracy

A Vicar! how impressive!!

the only call for Jinx, Tracy, and myself and anyone else who seeks salvation, is Jesus.

If anyone ever tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to read the bible. Read Isaiah or Jeremiah or any part of the OT where he raves for pages and pages about being sickened by his own people, in various numerous ways.

you might have a go at it yourself.

God got sick of us a long time ago. He especially got sick of popes and vicars. That of course was after the sadducees...

I never said he forsook us, He sent Yeshua to intercede for us. Yahshua may be a better spelling. he sent his son to his own. and they received him not. Just like Tracy received him not.

btw Jinx, church is ok for fellowship depending where you go... but Jesus comes to you where ever you are if you ask.

as you are where ever you are.

forget about vicars and lay preachers and popes. unless you need religion. religion and following along with the crowd has been the destruction of many however.

I concur with Mati.

So Sick as always yo interprete things in your own way. ViCAR, YES IMPRESSIVE, and what the gives you the right to elittle it are you higher than this no more. I have read the Bible a number of times, have you? ' He got sick of vicars' I'll pass that onto my cousin. Get off your pedastal. What ae your symptoms, apart form being a pain in everyone else's arse. You don't know what I believe, but I'll stake my life it's more sincere than you. Met so manay people like you before, label yourself religious, got a place in Heaven, but act as I like while I'm here. News for you SoSick don't work like that,'The meek shall inherit the Earth'. You meek.I have read many of your threads on other topics such as Evolution and how you talk to people, I suggest you look into your own heart, if you have one. Tracy x

Hi Jinx:

I know how you feel right now.
I been through similar situation and believe and the end I realized it’s all mercury related.
It’s because I was messing around with different ways of doing Cutter protocol.
I have done so many mistakes , my latest one was going from 30 mg ALA to 60 mg then 120 mg in a very short time, believe I felt so frightened and insecure ( many fears).

Trust Jesus, you have nothing to loose, just talk to him tell him how you feel, deed down we all blame G-D for our problems.

Just do the Cutler protocol very slow, don’t rush.

Joe

Do not give up Jinx. You are strong, or you would not have made it this far. Faith or no faith in God, you must have faith in yourself. We all want to give up at one time or another.

Many years ago I was stricken with gallstones. They may have been a product of an amalgam filling or two, I believe in my heart they were. I developed a severly diseased gallbladder, and over 9 months time, no doctor could figure out what was wrong with me. That was the most suffering I ever encountered (they said every attack I had was the equivilent of a heart attack, and I had thousands in 9 mo), and I prayed to God every single day, and he did not answer me, but only left me to suffer. Only right before it got bad enough to kill me, did they find what it was. By then, the vomiting had caused the acids from my stomach to ruin many of my teeth. That in turn, prompted me to go get my mouth re-done in AMALGAM, so I could in-turn suffer even more. I put my faith in God, and he left me to suffer. I still pray, I just don't believe quite the same way that I used to. Sort of like changing religions. Just like many other things in my life, I've found if you want it done, you must do it yourself. Summon up all the courage and faith that you have to survive. You CAN do this, Jinx.

I don't want to have a religious debate, and I don't think any of us should. We just have to "agree to disagree", because we all believe a different way. You must follow your heart, Jinx. Do not do anything that you do not feel comfortable with, as I don't think that will help you.

Your conditions sound like me, when I was at my worst. I was also having severe hallucinations in which I was hearing my own voice telling me to do things, that were against my better judgment. It felt like evil in my head, and I often wonder sometimes if people who commit murders do not experience this same thing, and cannot fight it. The only thing that helped me shake it, was antidepressants. As bad as they are, they saved my life. They made those hallucinations, and some of the physical pain go away. I was on them for many years, and could not wean off until last November, but I need to be off of them now. I needed them then, tho, and I was about your age, Jinx. I know it sounds bad to consider a drug, but at the time it worked. Sometimes one just needs a boost. Have you tried St. John's wort? Something needs to be used to help get your mental state under control, so you can help yourself. There was no one there for me. I did it all alone. You have us, Jinx, so you are not in it alone.

My take on this Jinx... God creates angels. He does not make them robots they can think for themselves. One third of them rebel and decide they will be their own gods. God creates Adam and Eve. He does not make them robots they can think for themselves. He knows how it will play out. He puts them in the garden... they get tempted, they fall to temptation... at that exact point God says to Adam 'what have you done?'' He asks him a simple question... Adam and Eve try to hide themselves from him. ... Adam does not ask forgiveness... Adam blames Eve... they run from God... I have wondered for quite some time how different things might be if they had not hid, had not run, and had simply said, 'I'm sorry, please help me'.

We are here for a reason, we all suffer, some more than others.. to know that we are not God, so that we do not do what the one third of angels did. Some get it, some don't. Same as with the angels that rebelled.

anyway you can take it from there. ask forgiveness be forgiven. quit placing blame elsewhere.

You know, a lot of times we suffer not because of our own sin, but because the sin of others and the way the dominoes simply fall. Your mercury poisoning, it's not your fault. But it's not God's fault either. God did not make a dentist to whatever was done to you nor did he make you eat mercury. It's not his fault. It is sinful, but not your own. Whatever it is that makes you want to blame God for your problems, hmmm.. I'd quit that.

SoSick, is adding the Grim Reaper to your posts anything to do with your God, Whoop sorry Jesus.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/death.gif" alt="" /> !!!!! BY THREAT OF STUPEFICATION BY THE HISTORY MEISTER !!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/death.gif" alt="" /> UNUSUAL

Mommy24, I wonder how many people experience that too. I bet many more than admit it. I did, many years ago, that is actually when I got saved. It was horrific.

I prayed I begged I pleaded. I finally asked for Jesus after realizing I had not done that yet, and like the guy above says, I had nothing to lose... and I was saved from it the very day, and the next and the next and the next.... he will lead you through it just ask, and trust.

good to hear from you Tracy, glad to hear all is going so well.

good to hear from you Tracy, glad to hear all is going so well.

Good sarcastic comment religious lady, just what I and others would expect from you. Bad news for you SoSick, you may have done some pleading and believe you have reached him, I hope so ,cos he's busy watching everything you say and do. FALSE FALSE and getting really boring <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/judge.gif" alt="" /> SoSick judge and jury. You know who your real friends are Mike...xxxxx

so sick - still he's omnipotent and omniknowing. he knew all along how things would play out. why hasn't he designed the world and angels the other way? ok, so if he hasn't it means he couldn't then. so i guess he's not so omnipotent.he makes mistakes too.

but w8, everybody says he doesnt? confused again.

he either is omnipotent and the architect of all this or isn't. he either takes the responsibility or doesn't. he either is very close to men or isn't. it's that simple.

we all have been caught in the contruct of all this. we never asked ourselves. i dont' want to be against god. he just makes things too difficult for man. he is too distant and doesn't take reponsibility for all this.

jinx, God did not create man flawed, he created him/her, good . He said that everything He created was very good in fact (Genesis 1:31). He gave man free will ie two choices, he could do what he wanted or he could believe what God had told him would happen if he ate of the forbidden tree. He was told the consequences. We have two choices, we come to Christ to save us or we work our life out on our own and spiritually die and our hearts go hard and bitter towards him.

Ahh but remember Mike, according to SoSick God is no longer taking responsibility, he has abandonned us all. See mate that's obviously wher we've been going wrong, Jesus not God, wonder what happens when Jesus has had enough. All my love mate Tracy x

why create the forbidden trea in the first place? see my point?

and "good" does not equal "not flawed". there's a distinction mati. flawed is flawed. good is good.

I can't really speak for Him, jinx, but like I said, he didn't make us robots.

so there's quite a bit of room there for more guessing. that's my guess, he wanted us to be free to think for ourselves. Maybe he already has robots, I have no idea.

he really isn't as distant as you might think. Things are difficult and I do believe he knows that. which is why he sent Jesus. There's too much to say jinx abut Yeshua, and my life may not match yours perfectly, your relationship with him is something you have to seek for yourself. He wants us to seek him, just ask.

You know after the flood, God was very sorry about what he did, the bible does say that it grieved him. That says to me, God admits mistakes, he admits he has made some with that one item.

but things are what they are and he is still God

something about wheat and tares too, Jinx... some will seek and some refuse, he wants to know which of us that is.

I can see Tracy is very upset that I do not care for vicars... Jinx, you do not need vicars or popes or fancy robes or cathedrals or ornaments of gold or seven hundred catechisms and works to give you religion. Just Jesus. Organized religion is mostly nonsense.

Tracy needs to take her pill.

We cannot be free moral agents like him if there is no choice to be made between good and bad. That's why I think he did it. I don't see man is being flawed by that. And man in that state of innocence could not be in full union with him which is what he planned. He wanted love from man not a robot. but man had to fall first.

if anyone wants to have a look at this clip from one of my favourite movies , the devil's advocate, it reflects exactly how i feel about all this.

(and I dont want anybody to think that i'm posting it to show how the Satan is all right, but to show how God's plan seems flawed.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsxFipkDZ1Q&feature=related

and here's the quote (john milton played by al pacino is satan in this movie):



"JOHN MILTON:Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' as.s off! He's a tight-a.ss:! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!
KEVIN LOMAX: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven", is that it?
JOHN MILTON: Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. "

again, it's sad that God creates a world where (yes, manipulative but still) Satan is closer to man then HIM. it's all faulty.

the reason satan get's so close to man is solely because god was too far away in advance.

I can't hear the video as my speakers won't produce any sound for some reason.

jinx

If we are united with Christ, then you do not want to do anything that hurts you or others, you are in love with Christ and you want to please him and share his life and you are just happy to be with him. It is not hard when you are in love. It is as natural as breathing. But if you turn away into darkness then everything becomes dark and ugly and evil.

I think it already existed Jinx.

Just part of the way things are and no one has a perfect explanation, even the bible doe not give one. But there is good and there is evil, it's just the way it is. Part of the universe or whatever was before even the universe existed.

I could be wrong but I think the 'tree' represents a persona, something other than a tree like an apple tree. Because the tree of life refers to Jesus, God, his spirit etc, life and eternal life. So the other tree probably represents evil in much the same way, call it satan or the serpent, death, whatever you'd like. And they ate from that tree, spoon fed so to speak. lies whatever... in the NT Jesus says... this is my body eat of it... that line got him into quite a mess with his own disciples but it's relevant to the tree of life, the tree of death, the trees of good and evil.

choose a spoon I guess. good or evil. life or death. choose nothing and death claims you.

Mike don't even bother mate, you ain't gonna convince any one. I had an aunt who devoutly believed in God all her life, even when she was misdiagnosed for two year. Her story was exactly the same as our dear Sandi's and yet when ill, came to the time of her death, she questioned and let him go out of her life. Remember babe we are on this forum to get well, God, Jesus no one will do this for us, just us and the suffering, we're here, have each other for support. I won't be pushed or questioned by anyone on here about my beliefs. Don't even bother, your wasting your precious energy and it's really nobody's busines. Love you man Tracy x <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/inlove.gif" alt="" />

"I can see Tracy is very upset that I do not care for vicars... Jinx, you do not need vicars or popes or fancy robes or cathedrals or ornaments of gold or seven hundred catechisms and works to give you religion. Just Jesus. Organized religion is mostly nonsense.
Tracy needs to take her pill."
this proves my point about you SoSick I have read your strong abuse to people on other threads, who the <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censored.gif" alt="" /> do you think you are? How the <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censored.gif" alt="" /> dare you. Go <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censored.gif" alt="" /> Skiing and give us all a break from your crap. If Heaven exists I don't think your place is booked. What are you doing on this forum, does it give you pleasure making ill people feel even more crap. I hope God does exist, you must be one big disappointment. I know wher your going. Take a pill, you are a joke, can't have a conversation, without a snide remark as is your usual stance. Everyone with differing views on here and other thread never has to sink to your level of cruelty. Maybe you are closer to Satan than you think. Your a complete waste of space. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/byebye.gif" alt="" />

so what was first?? God or universe? Did God create the universe, or universe created God? if the former, universe is HIS responsibility.

Good answer Mike? Sure she'll come up with some crap, seems nobody is responsible or cares for us but ourselves and each other, according to SoSIck, how can a God, all forgiving, leave us to our own suffering. There is a flaw in this. x

Jinx,
You still have hope.
I know you want to be well and can continue all the great work on improving your health,(even one small step at a time)
you will get to where you want to be.
Sometimes I feel despair and hopelessness,confusion,
paranoia all those feelings but it always passes.

Sometimes I feel each of us have been given an illness for a reason,maybe to learn something,or many things,maybe to teach someone else...
sorry if being philisophical about it is annoying right now...

I hope you are feeling better.

Why can't everyone reply like you Sunshine, with compassion, reasoning, but no trying to convince what's right or wrong. People like you make the world a nicer place and a reason for not giving in. That's all it takes, so simple, your opinion, reasoning and caring, without insults. I hope this thread ends here. Bless you Sunshine. Love Tracy x

you're not annoying sunflower, it's just that you guys where telling me that a year ago. a year has passed ad what's changed?? how much more sufefring can u take and how much hope can u have left?

and it's not just feelings of paranoia despair etc, it's just ypu getting worse and worsee and your brain shutting down... the more it does the farther you are from hope tec... i'm tired. trhings should be better by now, they're not. your're being beaten the crap out of you on and on , on and on. what does that say about higher power, justice, and God.

Jinx, what tests have you had?

BTW, it's perhaps worth keeping in mind that there are many different kinds of spiritual paths. It creates a lot of negative, draining energy, being angry at a god who doesn't seem to care. Personally I believe that the divine is within all of us, and in everything that exists. It is something we can sensitise ourselves to and be in harmony with. But I don't personify it. Also, there's no one to blame for bad things that happen to me, and I know it's up to me to do the best I can for myself and for others.

Hope this helps.

to be honest, no it doesn't.

THAT'S THE POINT

(but thank you linda)

like i say trhe situation i am in is a no-win situation. getting worse, battling to stay among the sane, don't know what's happening to me, cant to any tests cause of lack of money or the support of my family, the only ones who want to help me are those who present an option i feel very awkward and sceptical about and would feel a hypocryte if i chose it. so i dont have the luxury of things being realy up to me, esp since all that i have been doing is not just failing at getting better but at not getting worse (which all i would expect at the moment).

Jinx, I have nothing to say that will help, I know, but just wanted to say hang in there.

I have had your very same questions about Christianity, and I left. I now have a different relationship with Christianity/Jesus than I did before. I have a more metaphysical take on it now. As far as answering the suffering questions, I find I like the Buddhist take on things.... All life is suffering. In biblical text it would be, "Rain falls on the just and the unjust." The other thing I like about Buddhism, is that you can believe in god or not, no matter.

I also think that mercury and brain injury of other causality impedes faith that we may want to have. This realization too, is impacting how I will view faith once I get my brain to where I can have it. Faith then becomes more something I will be able to be grateful for as a tool and a practical thing, not something essential for a relationship with god. Faith in what? I don't know. We'll see. I feel your feeling of desire for faith. I have the same desire too. I think that if I just had something I could believe in, then dealing with this would be easier. And that may be true. My problem is I haven't found where to place that faith. I've been told the same thing too .... "turn your life over to Jesus....., surrender to him......, open your heart to Jesus....., personal saviour...." and so on. Truth is, I can't have faith in something that doesn't ring true with me. So while I may want to have faith in someone/something, I can't just place that faith in Jesus in that manner if I don't believe that. If it works for someone else, well bully for 'em. I think spirituality is a tool, and that god really doesn't care how we view him. I'm more of the mindset that god just is -- everything and nothing -- paradox.

I hope you get some relief soon, Jinx! I really feel for you and your situation right now.

Shonda

Hi Jinx
Sorry you are feeling so rough still yet. I read that success story that Mikey posted and it took that lady 5 years to get well and 58 doctors and tests equaling over 400,000 dollars later. She just now put her story up on the web because she did not know if she would make it through it BUT......she did and she looks good and has a book coming out soon. She was also bedridden for the first 3 years of chelation. I just hope it don't take us all that long.
I will just say this about God he is the only reason i am here today. It took me a long time to understand how God works and once I figured out that there is God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit I got it. I asked my mom one time why at the end of each prayer you ask in the name of jesus Amen? Because he is our saviour and we cannot get to the father unless we go through Jesus because Jesus died for us God gave this right to his son for all his suffering. Ok I still did not understand the whole thing until I figured out that it is the holy spirit that leads us and guides us. When we ask in prayer we go through Jesus to get to the father, it is the holy spirit that guides us...like your intuition. I know sometimes it is hard with our mercury laden brains and bodies to know that intuition when it comes, to know that god is guiding us the right way. That is where our mistakes come in and our free will takes over. An example I am taking 5htp and tried to quit taking it, I had headaches for a month and then after a months worth of suffering I decided to ask God why I was having headaches again and I thought about the 5 htp and got it back, all headaches stopped. Listen and he will tell you everything you need to know. Its your intuition, that is the best way I can explain it. Ok I will shutup for now LOL I hope you feel better soon and keep on chelating it will get better.
Rachel

The universe is being created now and we are all a part of it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

God is missing an extra o! GOOD

I've told very few people in my life that. It is a very bad and frightening memory, and extremely embarassing.

Rachel,

What a clear, concise explanation of your faith. I think you explained that SO WELL, and it is how you believe, and not to offend anyone. It does put a few things in perspective.
I think you're a wonderful person, Rachel!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Shonda, I also have some similar views as you, and your post makes sense, too.

I think you're all great people, and I love you all. Everyone of you are special in your own way, and wouldn't this world be such a boring place, if we all were the same. We have been given our own brains to think, our own hearts <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beatingheart.gif" alt="" /> to love with and our own lives to live. We may not believe the same entity has given us this life, but we are here together, just the same.<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rainbowhearts.gif" alt="" />

mike, you need to take ALA, il send you some if you cant get it, i use solgar, its good quality, i get the 60mg caps, i just halve it into another gelatine cap and take 30mg every 3 hrs, its better than DMSA, its time you started getting it out your brain.
God cant help us with this, but this forum alone is a god send with all these great, compassionate, but ill people here.
Dawn x

mike i understand how you feel, i was the same when i got exposed to amalgam, it took months to get to where i am, it has been 2 yrs since exposure. i felt like a 7 yr old, honestly, i couldnt talk or communicate with my own 2 daughters, it was very sad. i know i couldnt talk properly or watch tv. yet i could type on the computer and put words down quite easily though not as fast as now.
i know i would be okay now if i had got my amalgam out the right way, it pisses me off.
hang in there!

Mercury hits people different ways, i never really had bodily symptoms, only brain and mood and i tell you from my own experience the way my mind was totally SCREWED up i could not give god or jesus a thought and thats me being honest, he will forgive me for saying that cos i speak from my heart.
Now im a bit more relaxed, depression comes and goes i can think a bit more positively.
I think what im trying to say is if mental symptoms are the main issue, then trying to reach out to God or Jesus is hard, been there, got the T Shirt.

Jinx: What chelation have you done?

BG123 asked you if you had chelated with ALA yet? Dawn is asking too. So am I. Its an important question.

Your symptoms imply mercury on the brain as your biggest issue. Dmsa does not cross the BBB. Only ALA chelates the brain mercury and your problems are in there.

You are getting sidetracked again with all this God talk, why are you not replying about ALA. God can guide you, but wouldn’t cure you, only the actions you take can cure you.

If you have been chelating with dmsa only up to now, then I believe you have just understood/discovered/learnt an important thing…..that you need to chelate with ALA.

I guess you could say that God led you to that answer! You asked about god and low and behold…….ALA has been put in your lap. Maybe you have just found God?

Mati: He has passed me by. I have been desperate and he still passed me by. There have been a zillion chances for him to help me. My upbringing was full to the brim with church and god. I always felt an outcast from him.

I don’t feel the need to beg for anything from anyone either. If something doesn’t work, I must move on to something that does work. God does not work for me, so I have moved on to something else. I trust in myself now.

If someone wants something of me….just ask it of me. I would never ask someone to beg something from me. Why should I beg for God? Beg to be healed? Beg for forgivness?…..funk that $hit…I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Tracy: Thanks for your kind words <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/highfive.gif" alt="" />

Whereas with me its been mostly body trouble. The brain, in comparison to the body trouble has been much much less intense.

At one point all the muscles in my body where rock hard, tight and unable to relax. I was a walking plank of wood. Every minute of every day was agony, walking, sitting, standing…whatever…there was no respite from the constant pain. Luckily for me I had a great doctor….she told me to relax and chill out a bit….learn to live with the pain. I lived like that, wikth all that pain, for 3 or 4 years before I figured out maybe there was another way. Bloody doctors!

I have no idea which is worse, body or brain trouble….but I would not wish my body troubles on my worst enemy.

my brain symptoms couldnt have been worse, it was sheer mental torture for me, i wanted to die, i had to get myself to sleep by taking sleeping tablets everyday for months to get away from my nightmare. i halved my tablets and took 2 a day, it was enough to knock me out. my other symptoms were losing weight and sweating, i mean waking up drenched full of fear. i lost so much weight, my doc wanted me to go to hospital, i got down to age 11 clothes before that i was size 10-12. my children were scared of me, expecting me to die, when they came home from school, they looked in my room to see if i was still here, i couldnt even say hello to them, i was detatched from the world.
I think God led me to this site, it sure saved my life, there are 2 people who i could relate to on this forum, tracy and Jinx.

sunshine



that really cracked me up <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laughroll.gif" alt="" />

Sorry I can't advise over chelation Jinx, I can only say that a few times in the past I have asked alternative practioners for help, like a Homeopath or a woman with a vega machine and explained that I had no money and they usually agreed to help me for free. Maybe this may help in getting your stress levels down. Also you could go to a church and say you have been thinking about finding God but you have so many doubts, and they may be able to offer you support and help. You don't have to say that just ask if they can help you, you are desperate. Ask to be guided here, you don't have to believe that God is there to ask for His help.

Not knowing much about chelation, I would say that if you have mercury moving about your brain, then it is not a good idea to mess with it at the moment but to try to get something to clear it out of your body atm. Forgive me if I am wrong here. Then get some support in 3D. I can try to find a church for you if you want to approach Christians which frankly are about the only support you will find bar mental health teams.

sunshine I am sorry that you looked for God but did not find him. maybe you gave up too soon or something i don't know. I can't imagine going through my suffering on my own. I would not be here. I have every sympathy with those who are doing it. It says Seek and you shall find and I can only say that in 35 years God has never let me down, it has all been my own fault when I have fallen on my face.

Good! Made me smile typing it up too. It was meant in jest, but in seriousness too. Every chance to smile and chuckle needs to be jumped at, and who knows….just maybe ?

Don’t be sorry for me not finding God. Its cool. I’m fine. I manage. I cope. I am happy looking after myself. Once I started looking after myself, once I realised I was the only one that cared about my health, once I reclaimed the responsibility for my health, I started getting better. I have many good things in my life, including my wife and daughter. The only buggeredupness I have is my health, which is pretty buggeredup and that’s for sure.

hey guys. sorry for being silent, am feeling worse, as expected. no i havent' given ala a try yet , was chelating woth dmsa, last round ended on saturday dmsa 12.5mg.

i didn't feel better on, but felt different so chelation has some inpact on my body.

i think tomorrow i will be doing dmsa12,5 ala 12,5mg combo, will try to let u know. but to be honest guys i dont think it will do much, cause i dont think it's mercury in the brain causing damage, more like mercury causing some other process to do damage.


and because i'm poisoned doesn't mean I'm not destroyed. but thax anyway.

hey jinx ,sorry to see you feeling rough , I know that it is hard to believe in anything when you feel like you do , it is hard enough just getting through the day , we all feel for you and hang in there

jinx,

i feel for ya dude. you gotta hang in there though and keep tryin'. as for God and Jesus, i've had a tough time myself with having a relationship. i can't control my mind, my emotions, stress, energy level, and i've suffered from day one cuz i've had metals since birth passed down from my mother. so its hard having relationships with humans much less the God who is in control of the whole world while i'm suffering. i've asked the same questions as you; "why am i suffering?" "what is the purpose of my life?" "how could such a great and loving God allow such torment happen to me?" they go on and on.

for a long time i didn't know who God really was and i practiced religion and i think a lot due to the ocd and my alcoholic domineering father. my dad has abused me and his loved ones since i have known him. i remember being a 7 year old kid and him punching me and the next day he confess Jesus' name. i have first hand knowledge of what you are talking about when it comes to hypocrites. what that man did was confuse me my entire life with his religion and fundamentalism. but i now realize his dad did the same to him. doesn't justify his actions but thats how it happened. so basically i was never showed or taught who God really is.

what i do know is that He is real and the Bible is true despite all the contradictions, wrong teaching, and examples like my father. Jesus loves us period. it's all hard to understand i know and there is so much injustice in the world and going on with yourself. myself included. there's been all this crazy rhetoric going on with God and religion etc in this forum. but Jesus isn't religion. what He wants is a relationship with us. and if anyone is gonna come at you preaching to you, judging you or others, then that isn't of Jesus. the closer someone is to Jesus, the more love they are gonna have in their heart and for others. they will exude love and love you even though they don't know you. christians love people just like Jesus loves. so whenever someone starts talking of God(Jesus), look for that and you'll know.

man, i know you're scared, confused on what to do, suffering, and what is going on with you is indeed injustice. what's going on with me is injustice. we didn't get poisoned because we rebelled. i was poisoned from birth and i think you were at a young age too if i'm not mistaken. that was the natural order of things that played out. God didn't poison us and He didn't poison my mom cuz she did something wrong. a lot of the world naturally plays out unfortunately and a lot of the time it isn't good.

what i suggest man is that you just talk to God and try and form a relationship with Him. if you want to, ask Jesus if He is real to come into your life. ask Him to show Himself somehow in your life. every person on earth is imperfect so He asks that you ask for forgiveness for things that you've done wrong. doesn't mean you are a bad person but that only through Jesus can you be made perfect in God's eyes. God wants you to believe in His son to be your savior of this world. i know it all sounds religious and stuff but it's real.

i've seen too many times and talked to too many people about what God has done in their life. i'm an investigator and like i said, i've asked the same things you have so i got to the bottom of it. usually miracles don't happen although they definitely can happen. but God takes care of his children. He takes care of their needs. i know you have learned a lot about mercury but He could guide you to someone or the right avenue of getting the ball rolling for you to start getting better. He'll start putting people in your life. just the right people for you. it is mysterious but that's how He works. also, when you ask Jesus in your heart, it's a ticket to heaven which is for free.

i hope its ok that i spoke about this. i saw you were asking a lot and i've asked the same questions as you before so i thought i might chip in. hope it helps some.

jinx,
you better focus more more in doing the Cutler protocol the right way.
I think you are playing with fire by not following the Cutler protocol.
Starting ALA at 12 mg is too much.
Many of us been in your situation.If DMSA does not at 4 hours then try to take it every 3 hours, if DMSA don't work then try to DMPS every 8 hours then try every 6 hours.
Go slow.
Dont use ALA yet until you find what work best for you.
Trust me my man, we are all embark in this journey for a long time.


Joe

Hi Jinx.

I think ALA is a good idea for you. I do think you should take things nice n easy n slow though. If you can find the nerve to split the ala down to an even low dose, that may be a good plan. 6mg ALA. With your symptoms being so……so dire…..safety should be you number one priority. If you don’t feel much, you can easily increase the dose on later rounds. The last thing you want is more problems.

I don’t know how you have been handling the dmsa, which I assume you are dosing every 4 hours. If chelation with 12.5 dmsa is not causing any additional problems then adding ALA is worth trying.

Ala is dosed every 3 hours, and usually people dose dmsa+ala at the same time…i.e. every 3 hours. If you do dose dmsa every 3 hours, be aware that you are increasing your daily intake…..AND adding in ALA at the same time. So you will be in effect changing two things.

I just had a look at TK’s general chelation suggestions on Yahoo FDC and he says


Reading that…seems your plan is fine, but I would still use as much caution as you can.

Saying that, you know yourself better than I ever can, if you feel 12.5 mg is fine…go for it.

If you have any doubts, ask on Yahoo FDC. Andy Culter himself seems to have a soft spot for you and replies to your posts and the others there know of the trouble you have been getting too….if you have any doubts about what to do, how to dose it…..ask over there first.

Take care and good luck.

Someone mentioned taking the "Solgar" brand.
I have heard that solgar have been bought/taken over by another group who are using nanoparticles for their supplements.
I do not have any links/proof or information about this.But saw a lecture all about nanoparticles,which I did not understand most of it,the jist of it was that nanoparticles are not good for a body.
They are in some skincare products (like suncreams as forexample titanium dioxide) and they are one of the reasons land fills are so toxic to use,the nanoparticles are what penetrate us through the skin and through inhalation.
I will do my best to research this further but don't really know where to start.
Maybe some of you know about this,or know or a truly good supplement producer/supplier.

Solgar is now part of the US company NBTY, best known for the Nature's Bounty brand. They also own Puritan's Pride, Vitamin World, and Holland & Barret in the UK. NBTY also makes vitamins that are sold under private label. NBTY is one of the world's largest vitamin makers. Solgar is generally regarded as a high quality vitamin brand, however many of their products are quite expensive when compared to other brands.

You can clearly engage in an intelligent argument so I don't know if your symptoms are exaggerated

I also do not see what faith has to do with this. Being in this forum that long you knew that kind of post would result in many jumping in trying to save you by faith and getting a lot of attention

I suggest you try other things, if your symptoms are actually how you describe them then they seem too acute to be heavy metal toxicity. You suggested it might be early onset schizophrenia (which apparently there isn't much known about it) or other brain problems that would not just show up in a MRI or test. Maybe Cognitive behavioral therapy or specialists that can study your symptoms and not just do a test to check for a tumor and send you home when nothing shows up

While I know to the religious people are trying to help, if I was that sick and didn't share your beliefs, many of those posts would feel like a slap in the face.

Can I just point out to those who have criticised the Christians here, that jinx gave the impression that he was seeking spiritual help ;



He brought up the subject after having a discussion with another Christian, and there seemed to be some unanswered questions from jinx which I and others have attempted to answer for him, as it seemed as if he was searching to find God. It has not been the case of him having religion pushed down his throat which some are giving the impression of thinking.

those last of your words, I can't make out what u mean at all. but I guess that's just 'exaggarated'.....

stll, know u meant well.

What I mean is that if you are really that sick, then the only thing that will help you is curing your symptoms. I don't really know how religion would help you at all.
You wouldn't tell a diabetic to go pray instead of getting insulin.

The only thing you can do is not give up and keep finding possible causes for your symptoms

I have to agree with that!

Jinx, I don't have the answers, but I did just find out that a lack of magnesium can affect your brain. I just tested negative for mercury (tested positive all last year) and was having a lot of mental problems and as soon as I started taking 250 mgs of Magnesium Glycinate 2x/day it helped me. It takes a little while to build up in your system, but remember when you chelate you drain minerals and magnesium is essential for brain health (mood), and potassium for adrenals. I've been driving myself nuts for the last 6 months and just discovered that without essential minerals you cannot detoxify. I don't want to sound like I got all the answers, but I've watched you over the past year and saw myself get close to losing it several times and it seems like the minerals play a HUGE part in staying sane during detox.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/loveyou.png" alt="" />