Shawn, I understand. I feel just like that most days. To top it off, I have a family. I have 4 kids and a husband that have to eat. 2 of the kids are toddlers and ALL of them want to eat, all the time. Due to my mercury, I am one of the unlucky ones that is overweight, instead of under (like some of you are), and it is a struggle to keep from gaining back the little that I've lost. Even if I don't eat at all, I don't lose anything. There is also constantly someone wanting to eat, and it's hard to resist some of the temptations. That said, I pretty much eat what I want. I try to eat "healthier" than I normally would, but I don't follow any certain diet, I just do what feels is right for the particular day. I can only play it by ear. That is all my mind can handle right now. I honestly don't know how some of you have the mentality to do what you do, and you are all much stronger than you believe that you are. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I really have not seen much difference at all, in my illness, with what I eat. My bad days and good days don't seem to be determined by what I consume. I have tried to find a pattern, and there is none.

Anyway, I went to the dentist this morning, to discuss my treatment plan. I talked to him about candida, and he said do NOT jump into a candida diet with amalgams in!!! I was reading a post not long ago on here, where this subject was brought up. It was about the yeast actually "protecting" us from mercury. The dentist confirmed this, and said that's why many get so SICK after they have been on the candida diet for a few days, because once you start killing that yeast off that's been protecting us from the mercury, it goes FULL FORCE into our bodies, thus getting very sick. He said I DON'T want to do that!!! So, it's not just symptoms of "die off" if you still have amalgams in, it's actually opening it up to release more into the body. So, I think I will stick with what I'm doing right now, at least until all amalgam is out.

As far as the steamer goes...I have had a steamer for years and they are WONDERFUL! Shawn, you could pick one up at Walmart or somewhere for probably around $20-$30, and you will never regret it. Veggies, chicken are wonderful in it. If you eat rice, they usually come with a rice steamer basket, and it comes out great, too.

Some days I am ready to give up, too. I am scared to death, but I don't want to die, either. I am closer to death right now, than I've ever been in my life. Everyday I tell myself something has to be done, something has to change, because this is no kind of life. Yes, sometimes even I don't cook, put off bathing or getting necessities at the store...even paying bills (and that has bit me in the a**, all just because I couldn't bring myself to DO IT. One simple task can be too much stress for me, and I crack. I lose my temper and scream at everything and everyone around me, or I cry. Over the years it has gone from constant crying, to less crying and more rage. It scares me. You are NOT ALONE, Shawn, but somehow this has to get better. Don't give up. You have support here. That's what I love about this board...there are so many willing to listen and help.