i'm really depressed and hopeless about this illness. last night i had a hard time sleeping. i think since i have had this my whole life, i have in a way accepted this is my life. i know there is hope but its like my body is in such a depleted state that i know it's gonna be really hard to dig out of it.

i realize what i have in front of me is a marathon. the marathon of all marathons. eating right at every meal, no indulgences, supps are easy to take, and other detox procedures. it just seems hopeless in my mind to be for the most part perfect for potentially years to overcome this. what makes it really difficult is that my brain doesn't work and my body is so freaking tired and feeble it can barely do anything.

the thought of preparing a meal, cooking it, and then cleaning up the mess is so rediculously stressful which scares the hell out of me because i have to do that otherwise i'll be like this forever. my brain gets overwhelmed just thinking about it.

i think i have to get this warrior mentality kinda as corny as that sounds. like i am fighting for my life everyday. somehow i have to change my attitude because i am suffering and i've gotta find the energy and mind frame to do this. what sucks is that it seems if you give in and cheat on food it'll just take your immune system right back down to bottom again and you have to start over. like all the effort you put in doesn't matter because if you slip up you're screwed. so it's like you have to be perfect and i just don't know if i can do that. is this how it is for some of you or no?

i don't know if anyone will respond to this but i wanted to write my thoughts. i hope everyone is getting better because this illness isn't really fair. i know there is lots of injustice in the world and i try to count my blessings, but to be mentally ill and chronically fatigued from day one of birth isn't a life i wanna live.

shawn

I hear you shawn.

it's a f* marathon and if u slow down just a little bit, or stop, or tip over - eeeeeeeeeeeee - you gotta get back to the start point and run again. vicious, aint it? it is my painful experience that it just doesn't pay off to cheat at all, I've got that lesson a million of times and each time i diecided to cheat thinkin 'oh, nothing will happen'. but it does, if I get a day or two of eating sweets I'm going about a month back on my cnadida efforts. 2 days vs a month, can u believe it?

so yeah if u get into the game you just either gotta be tough or back out and shoot your brains out. brutal reality. believe my shawn, don't cheat do whetever u can but listen to your body, don't be too agressive it's the only way.

but this illness is one spitefull mean b*itch, I'll agree with u on that.

dont knw what to write anymore, so will go now.. guess why? brain fog


ha!

Hi Ya'll
Ok yes it is hard. Just shoot me right now I can't get the sugar out of my life right now and it just sucks. Don't understand why i keep craving it and I keep checking the candida with that spit test and is still looking better all the time. I am also doing a little better with the energy...probably cause of the sugar but I don't have much...I do try and limit it alot. I eat really well though and it is hard to find time and energy. I have a steamer and 2 crock pots and I use them all the time. I cook enough to last me a couple of days so that makes it easier. Clean up is hard but sometimes I let it wait until the next morning and that makes it easier too. Don't know if this will help but if I did not have my steamer I would be lost.
Rachel

hi shaun, yeh, i feel so dragged down right now cos i have been doing this cooking from scratch diet for nearly 3 yrs and its bloody hard work. i have cheated a few times and paid dearly for my crime.
i wake up sometimes so anxious about the future and all the hard work i have to put in each day, i really need to take one day at a time.
i feel as though im in a world of my own, eating differently to others. Taking pills for chelation every 3 hrs using an alarm clock, not to mention all the supplements i take daily.
dawn.<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" />

yea, this is how i know it'll be so i haven't even started trying to follow the diet strictly. because i know if i do start and i mess up, im gonna beat myself up and just wanna give up because i know im gonna have to do it for years. just that thought alone makes me wanna give up. i know that's weak minded and like i said, somehow i have to become a lot stronger mentally. i'm just not there yet. the candida won't go away until the metals go away and i have no idea how long that'll take because i've never experienced detoxing.

i just started recieving disability this month and i've been blowing it on indulgences. it's gonna be extremely hard. i'm a 23 year old young man and i have to mentally grow up to be about 50 with the healthy lifestyle BS. i know that's good and all but i'm just not mentally in that place right now. ughhhhhhhhh i freaking hate this <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />.

rachel,

are there things you use to make the cooking easier like a steamer? these are ideas and equipment i need to use to make my life easier and i am totally ignorant and unaware of the things i can use to make the diet more simple.

is the steamer used for veggies? i'm sure the candida diet comes easy to a lot of people but not me at all. my body craves tasty food and sugar.

Hi Shawn, I'm similar to yourself. I know it might not sound like the best, but I am usually very tired, especially when going through die off/healing and I tend to fry my foods. But I use stable fats like butter mostly and I fry it at a medium/low heat. I like flavour and fats help me out ALOT, as does good salt.

It's quick for me and easy. I use it for eggs, meat, vegetables (if I want to stir fry them) and basically it's just about 5 mins each side (or so). Suits me, it's quick and flavoursome.

Steamers are fine if you want to steam vegetables, I prefer mine either stir fried or raw most of the time. But I steam sometimes as well. I add butter all the time for taste and it's healthy. It allows me to keep a reasonable amount of weight on me. It never makes me overweight though.

Or sometimes I boil eggs hard, peel of the shell and make a salad up.

I also eat raw nuts almonds/brazil nuts as snacks and have acidophilus yoghurt....

This is the bare minimum I guess. You might be luckier and can still consume limited fruit and non gluten grain for cereals/bread. I can't do that because they're too high carb for me. YOu may also be able to have potatoes/corn (I can't too high carb).

At least you can't start on a looser healthier diet by simply excluding the obvious baddies like sugar, gluten, yeast. That's what I did first and I used to do just fine on that, because the rest was allowing my body to get healther. THe only reason I can't do that now is because my immune is almost shot by virus etc.

It's not as hard as you think. It "seems" it because everything seems overwhelming, but once you do it and finds ways to snack without consuming sugar/gluten/yeast, you'll find it's pretty easy after a while.

I used to even get away with eating potatoe chips! So long as I steered clear of the other stuff i mentioned. I can't do that so much now of course, but I could then, even corn chips too! And sugar free carob. There are options to help you if you can still handle higher carbs and certainly it could at least be a stepping stone for you on the way to getting stricter if you need to.

Start on the basics, that's just my advice and then you can tighten up even more if you find even the natural high carbs are causing issues too. This goes for drinks too, sugar in all forms (fizzy etc) should be completely eliminated. A nightmare they are. Coffee aint so hot either. You maybe able to still drink some normal tea and herbal tea or coffee substitutes, which taste REALLY nice.

Milk is best to eliminate, but some can still include it in their teas and non gluten cereals. I used to do just fine with it. Again, I cannot now.

Hi Shawn
Yes I use my steamer mostly for veggies but you can use it to cook rice and chicken too. My stomach won't tolerate raw veggies or eggs. I have not been able to eat eggs for about 3 years. I would kill to get by with a salad and hard boiled egg LOL I use the steamer because it doesn't cook all the nutrients out of the veggies. My crock pot work well too...I can cook potatoes in one and meat in the other,chicken or whatever. Just throw it in there add a little water and turn it on. It will babysit itself. As you go you will learn what you can tolerate and what you can't. I am having sugar cravings right now and so to stay away from the sugar as much as I can I eat alot of fruit but I can only handle certain fruits. I can eat wheat bread but I can't tolerate wheat noodles or brown rice. Don't know why. I recently found that onions and garlic give me some problems too. Things have changed alot since I started all of this and is really weird. At first I could not tolerate citrus fruits and now am ok with them. It is alot of hit and miss with me. Things keep changing which I think is all part of the detox. Like Bex said start a little at a time and it won't be so hard, it will come to you. It is all overwhelming but just a step at a time. I also just throw meat in the oven in glass cookware sometimes for a different taste. It seems like alot and sometimes I just have a sandwich or toast with butter just to make things simple for that night, if I am exhausted. That is one reason I cook enough for a couple of days... I can just heat it up and eat. Makes it convenient when I have to work and I know I won't be able to stand in the kitchen for very long. Work really takes a toll on me and so I plan the food to have enough on the days I have to work. All this sucks but hey when we are all done and figure this whole thing out we will be the healthiest people around LOL Would make it much easier if there were some docs out there that could tell you all of it. Oh well I have never learned so much that is for sure. Hang in there and take it a step at a time. There will be mess ups but hey just go for it again the next day don't ever give up.
Rachel

Shawn, I understand. I feel just like that most days. To top it off, I have a family. I have 4 kids and a husband that have to eat. 2 of the kids are toddlers and ALL of them want to eat, all the time. Due to my mercury, I am one of the unlucky ones that is overweight, instead of under (like some of you are), and it is a struggle to keep from gaining back the little that I've lost. Even if I don't eat at all, I don't lose anything. There is also constantly someone wanting to eat, and it's hard to resist some of the temptations. That said, I pretty much eat what I want. I try to eat "healthier" than I normally would, but I don't follow any certain diet, I just do what feels is right for the particular day. I can only play it by ear. That is all my mind can handle right now. I honestly don't know how some of you have the mentality to do what you do, and you are all much stronger than you believe that you are. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I really have not seen much difference at all, in my illness, with what I eat. My bad days and good days don't seem to be determined by what I consume. I have tried to find a pattern, and there is none.

Anyway, I went to the dentist this morning, to discuss my treatment plan. I talked to him about candida, and he said do NOT jump into a candida diet with amalgams in!!! I was reading a post not long ago on here, where this subject was brought up. It was about the yeast actually "protecting" us from mercury. The dentist confirmed this, and said that's why many get so SICK after they have been on the candida diet for a few days, because once you start killing that yeast off that's been protecting us from the mercury, it goes FULL FORCE into our bodies, thus getting very sick. He said I DON'T want to do that!!! So, it's not just symptoms of "die off" if you still have amalgams in, it's actually opening it up to release more into the body. So, I think I will stick with what I'm doing right now, at least until all amalgam is out.

As far as the steamer goes...I have had a steamer for years and they are WONDERFUL! Shawn, you could pick one up at Walmart or somewhere for probably around $20-$30, and you will never regret it. Veggies, chicken are wonderful in it. If you eat rice, they usually come with a rice steamer basket, and it comes out great, too.

Some days I am ready to give up, too. I am scared to death, but I don't want to die, either. I am closer to death right now, than I've ever been in my life. Everyday I tell myself something has to be done, something has to change, because this is no kind of life. Yes, sometimes even I don't cook, put off bathing or getting necessities at the store...even paying bills (and that has bit me in the a**, all just because I couldn't bring myself to DO IT. One simple task can be too much stress for me, and I crack. I lose my temper and scream at everything and everyone around me, or I cry. Over the years it has gone from constant crying, to less crying and more rage. It scares me. You are NOT ALONE, Shawn, but somehow this has to get better. Don't give up. You have support here. That's what I love about this board...there are so many willing to listen and help.

Wow, Shawn and Lisa, I can relate. I'm not quite as severe, but starting to get close. I especially know what you mean about small everyday tasks seeming overwhelming and feeling like I'm gonna crack! And the crying thing -- I used to cry really easy, and now, even when I want to, most times I can't. With me, it's not rage as much as it is, there's nothing left in there. It really hurts to want to cry, but there are no tears there. the only way I can is if my emotions are pushed to brink giving my adrenals the stimulation they need to let me.

One thing that may help though is getting your adrenals checked via the 4x per day cortisol test and DHEA. If your adrenals are shot (and they often are with Hg poisoning), then that can make your energy levels very low. When they get supported, it can give you more energy to do the things you need to do. Sorta taking the egde off. Symptoms with adrenals: http://www.drrind.com/scorecardmatrix.asp I know I have adrenal issues, but haven't gotten tested myself yet or found the right doc who can help with Hg detox and the adrenal issues. My first choice is to find someone who can assist me with both. I may be on my own with the detox though. If you do have adrenal issues, many have found taking Celtic Sea Salt in their drinks helpful, along with lemon water. I have found the salt and lemon water make me feel much better, although, I stopped because I wasn't sure what implications it may have in mobilizing Hg and I'm still nursing my daughter, so.... Anyway, I feel your pain, too!