I know what you're saying, Weety. Part of me is scared of who I will be, not that it will be bad, but change is always scary for me...even if it's good. I have discussed this with my husband, about being terrified of what my "new personality" could be like. He is afraid that I will not want to be with him anymore. I had many signs of something being wrong with me for years before I met him, but I was still doing really well physically when I met him. I was on the go all the time...working, going to school and seeing him, and being a single mom raising 2 kids. I hardly ever had to sleep and was always doing something. That is the ME he fell in love with. Shortly after we met, we got engaged and within 4 months we were married. I started having terrible pains in my arms, hands and elbows, and concluded that I was getting carpal tunnel syndrome from my job. I went to the dr. and he said he didn't think that's what it was. The pain didn't go away though. Shortly thereafter I got pregnant, and a couple months into the pregnancy, I started really getting sick, psychotic acting and having MAJOR symptoms (that I didn't know at the time was Mercury). I have been sick ever since. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> He only knew me for a few months before I started taking ill, and I don't know what it would be like now, not to be sick. I don't remember what that felt like. I always feel like it's not been fair to him, to have married me and be stuck with this. He is very supportive, but he shouldn't have married someone like me. My illness has destroyed him...all the joy, and positive attitude he always had is gone. He used to bring me up when I was down, and tell me everything would be ok. Now he goes to work, and comes home, and doesn't really have any desire to do anything. I've just sucked the life out of him, and I see it. That is the hardest part for me.

This last week has been pretty good for me, though...the longest stretch of me feeling good, but now I'm starting to go downhill again.
So, believe me, I understand how you feel, wondering how you will change.