I was going to mention maybe a teeny little ad in a local newspaper for the tapes but it would have to have a phone number... but if he is already including the phone number it should't be a problem. There are places onthe net to advertise for free yet also, maybe you could find something dedicated to NZ. I know Christianet.net (i think that's the url) used to offer free advertising. Mostly the internet is not the free thing it used to be several years ago though.

God... I think, if he truly cares about you, your walk is harder in a lot of ways. He chastens those he loves for instance, whereas for the rest, they can do whatever they want. I know in my life he has actually taken things away from me, quite obviously... because even though I seemed to enjoy them momentarily, in the long run they were bad for me or caused me to make stupid choices or run with the wrong crowd... or worst, forget him.

It would seem to me that if you feel he is ignoring you, he must feel you are ignoring him in some way. He must have put something in front of you at some point and you probably haven't yet picked it up, so to speak.

You can avoid those 'dark nights of the soul' simply by praising him, you know. He really is never far off. I have been there and back so many times... and the only way i know to break out of it... well two ways... pick up the bible and get reading... well three ways... talk to him, talk to Jesus when you are alone, you can't see them, just assume he hears you (my salvation was worked out that way over a period of several years about 20 years ago) and the 3rd way, I have lots of christian music CD's, praise and worship of all sorts, some of it is great stuff and i love listening to it and of course I sing my heart out... I have to wear headphones or I get compliants of it being too loud but still...

Some prayers that are very effective... ask God, ask Jesus to make you the woman he wants you to be, to direct your steps... ask him to search your heart... tell him you need more help with it all.

and then pay attention because chances are slim to none he will ever stand right in front of you, visibly and tell you exactly what to do. though I have heard pf people experiencing that... in my life he has told me some things quite directly, usually when I am sinning (or about to) and he wants me to stop... but I have never seen him. And he will usually speak to me in a dream, sort of dream but i'll be half awake it's weird, about stuff like that... he will show me what I am doing in a dream, he will show me what the effect will be in the same dream, and then he leaves me with a word or two about it at the point I am waking up from the dream, so I remember and hear his voice aside from the dream, like he is right there next to me. He has done that to me many times over the years. Have no doubt though, I get some strange dreams now and then that I know are not from him too. But, the bible does say the holy spirit will let us know what the devil (as a general term) is saying about us so maybe that is one way he does that, by allowing that in now and then as a warning of what is still around us. I am guessing but that's where I'm at with that one.

I think one of the major reasons he doesn't speak very directly to lots of us is that there are things in our lives, of the nature we were discussing above, that will take advantage of our attempts to communicate with him, with Jesus in that area because I don't think God ever speaks to anyone directly these days (I could be wrong) but Jesus does, the holy spirit does.. and God sends angels he surely does... but the problem is that because we can't see him or even if we could... the devil provides a cheap imitation for everything God does or would do in our lives and many people fall for that. It's important to read the bible, God will never veer from his word. The devil tried to play God with me when I first was getting saved. I didn't know the difference at first, I was bible stupid, didn't know it hardly at all. I did some really stupid stuff trying to 'hear' God. So don't try to 'hear' God in that sense, because he speaks to us in lots of different ways... and if he really needs to, he will speak to you directly in some form or another, if you pay attention, you'll know.

My search for God was pretty fervent, almost at a fever pitch prior to me getting saved. I came to the realization that I could not know God without Jesus, only Jesus. No saints, no virgin mother, they all may be there somewhere but they are a distraction if you focus on them because it's not what you really need. It took me years to overcome that part of my catholic upbringing, but when i did it was like a window to heaven opened up. God wants us focused on Jesus, he's the teacher, the consoler, along with the holy spirit but Jesus gives that to us too. A lot of times the things we learn at church are actually stumbling blocks in our relationship with Jesus. It's in every church unfortunately. My daughter when she was younger had a heck of a time trying to reason how a lot of the other kids at church could be christians when they behaved so hatefully toward each other for instance. So, we go for fellowship, often to simply make an appearance, but it's not the foundation of our faith or relationship with him. There's an awful spirit of adultery and sexual sin around so many churches today. you really do have to be careful. a lot of christians sense it, even follow it to theor own detriment, but seem pretty much completely ignorant of it. We are suppose to be learning to overcome those things, and it applies to other things as well. Read the bible and sing praises to him Bex, and see where that takes you. I love where it takes me.

One morning I woke up, about 3-4 months ago... and i couldn't see them but there must have been angels, a few of them, lady voices, and they were singing one of the christian songs I listen to a lot... really, i did not imagine it. What I would really enjoy is waking up that way every day <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. all sorts of little things like that tell me God is near all the time. Just the other day, it was weird, I got a phone call from a city i have never gotten a phone call from before... a christian woman wanting to know something business related... the funny thing is all the past weekend I had been researching this city/area on the internet because i was thinking it would be a real neat place tp live and i had asked God, Jesus, just quietly talking out loud at my desk like I do... i said 'father, what would you think if we lived here, would it be ok?... do you have people there?' and then two days later the phone rings.