Hi Shawn
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Sounds like you have had a rough go of it with your parents and still going on. It's hard I know no one believes me either. Just when I think everyone is behind me...well not so. This weekend I was told I am not walking enough and working enough, bills are piling up cause I keep buying the supplements. It's so expensive and yes I am seeing some improvement. I want to get better so I CAN work more. I just can't do it right now. I am a trooper till after I have eaten lunch and then I am worthless until about 6 pm. I cook supper and eat and watch a little Tv. If it is a good nite I sleep if not I wonder around in the dark all nite.
It never ends, I believed that they(my family) would see me getting better and know this was the right way for me but in reality I think too much time has passed since they thought I was gona die. They see me getting better and so they increase the work for me,another words they have stopped helping me and I am right back on my own. They don't get it, the stress from a heavy work load just kills me and puts me 2 steps back. My work is tough(I clean apts and houses) used to be easy for me but now puts me in horrible pain if I try too much. I try to limit everything I do and sometimes when I over do it then I can't function for a couple of days.
I think they are trying to push us to be strong but they just hurt us. Society is so caught up in the conventional way of medical treatment. You know they think I am stupid cause I won't go and get that magic pill that will cure me. I am allergic to a lot of things right now and that so called magic pill could be my death sentence. They just don't get it and I believe by that by the time I get better they won't remember what a struggle it was for me. This way takes so long and they will forget.
I have even offered to leave and go stay at my dad's and take some of the burden off of them but they don't want me to leave. Catch 22 damed if you do and damed if you don't. Fun world we all live in. What happened to the days when you took compasion on the people that are sick. I am told all the time I don't look sick well they need a day inside our bodies....one of worst days, you know the whole lagged down feeling,every muscle in your body screaming, oh and lets not forget the can't find your butt from a whole in the ground feeling. Well they would not be able to deal with it. They think I have truly lost it when I can't find my way.....I can't control it,happens when it happens. Pushing me to do more only makes it worse and the downgrading remarks makes the brain fog worse. Confusion from trying to figure out what to do to make they're situation better(when I can't) just makes my head swim.
I pray you get your disibility. Sometimes I feel if I were by myself it would be easier to do all we have to do to detox and get well. No one telling me you are not doing enough of this and that, nobody telling me I will never get any better and that I will never work again. They all believe that but you know what GOD tells me different and so I am not giving up. I have supported every thing they have ever done for many years and now it is my turn...well that is how I feel and so I am not gona stop getting my supplements or my food. I have done without a lot of things over the years so they could have what they all needed. It is my turn to have what I need. It would be different if it was just a new shirt I wanted but it is my life so I say don't let anyone stand in your way.
Money, yes it costs me alot to get the supplements maybe about 250.00 a month give or take. I haven't started andys protocol so I am not sure of cost on that. Sunshine can tell ya he is doing the protocol right now. I am going to give it a go after the first of the year. My food usually runs me about 300.00 a month but that is feeding 4 of us so lot less for 1 person. The housing thing...here in town they have some low income apts but you have to get on their waiting list so it takes some time to move up the list. I live in texas so you might try seeing if they have some like that, don't know. But faster you get on the list the better.
Sorry for all the bitterness, I am usually not like this but they were throwing stones at me this weekend and the result is I am sick today. I feel like <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ithitsthefan.gif" alt="" /> and so I feel hard toward them today. Tomorrow will be a new day! Every one is gone today so the house is mine...yse yes yes!!! I know it is hard to be alone but if there is no negitivity I cope a whole lot better. So I welcome the fact that they are not here. Besides God is always with me and he will figure all of this out for me and for you as well. I believe that without his guidance I would not have found out the amalgams were making me sick. One thing about being this sick is my faith in God has really become very strong and so I know he will fix all of it and I just need to find some patience. Easy to say huh when your family just wants it now.
Well I have griped enough LOL Just wanted you to know you are not alone at all. Hang in there Shawn. Where there is a will there is a way. I will be praying all turns out well for ya!
Rachel <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hangingonanlimb.gif" alt="" />