one of my friends from school called me and he wants to hang out or whatever. he was at a bar with some people i know. thinking about it got me more depressed because for so long now i have isolated myself because i am too sick to be with people. i'm not happy like i'm supposed to and i feel all self-concious all the time. that is another thing i wanted to know if people feel with metals is self-concious a lot?

anyways, basically i hang out with no one. on occasion me and another friend will go out and eat and watch a movie. but that's it. i mean, that is no life at all. the rest of the time i am here alone and have been for like three years now trying to get disability so i can work on myself. i finally have a hearing 18 of this month.

looking at my life and situation, if i don't get well, i will never have a life. never feel or be who i really am. disconnected from the world. it's scary and it creates pressure on myself.



but i just got real depressed because i can't do the things i want and never have been comfortable in my own skin although i know i should be. thinking about being around people creates stress in me. just thinking about it.

anyone relate?