How many of you can relate to this? I might look quite okay to others but inside of me there is this total chaos of anxiety, anger, depression, frustration, non-visible tremors and all that nasty stuff. And yet people think I'm okay. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> It is so frustrating...

i can totally relate. no-on really believes me,its so frustrating,i even have to deal with the public in my job everyday and smile alot,i just want to scream most of the time, especially when the ringing in my ears gets louder. everyday is suvival for me.

I am there too guys. I was doing so much better but the Thanksgiving thing just done me in and now I feel I like I have taken 2 steps back. I have the anxiety and depression real bad again and that spaced out feeling. No one understands it so I found it is best not to mention it and like Dawn says smile alot and try to get through it. Hang in there, God knows I'm trying.
Rachel

There are advantages with advancing years! Just turned sixty this year, and have grey hair. If I act a bit demented now and again, people just assume I'm heading toward dementia. Of course, until I get rid of the mercury, I really am . . . . . . .but it's like a public expectation thing. I'm actually enjoying playing the demented old lady routine; shame I'm not really acting though. But it makes things easier to cope if I can laugh at myself. Fortunately (or not) I am unable to work so don't have to deal with the public too much.
I'm not sure how you get on if you are still young.
I feel better about things since I found out that there is treatment. Up until 6 months ago, I thought that I would be in a care facility before I turned 65. Now there is hope for the future.
Keep that thought in mind.
You are young enough to get through this and still have a rewarding life.
It may help to realise that probably half of the people you face every day also have amalgam sickness, but do not know it.
Feel sorry for them.
Knowledge is power.
Keep smiling.
Carol

Hi Finn, yes I have this and have had it for years, though plenty of times I look like something that has been dug up. But even if I look unwell and pale, people still do not really think there is much wrong and tend to take the cynical view that I am probably a bit neurotic..

Yet inside I am suffering far worse than what the outside is showing that often times I feel like a volcanoe about to erupt. The only people that I trust that believe me are my parents, fellow sufferers on here, but the rest are negligible.

I've always been demented.

ask anybody.

But I'm at peace with it.

I'm always feeling that people can see it - the pain behind my eyes, fogged out feeling, depression, exhaustion, vision issues, etc. - but usually I don't say anything. When I see my parents I ask them if people can tell how "off" I am - I am so paranoid about this - and they always say you can't see it. I feel like the walking dead - I know people can see how tired I am but they have no idea what is really going on inside.

I am always looking great <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> People do comment on this very often. But i feel i have the brain of an eighty year old and yes i have a total mental chaos inside of me. It's so unfair <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sadblownose.gif" alt="" />

You know Tyler Durden in the Film “Fight Club”. My all time number one film that. That’s how I feel. I feel like I am leading two completely separate lives.

One normal guy going to work on the train, working in an office, doing normal work things, smiling and being nice……but hollow inside.
The other a health freak, reading and obsessing over weird healing protocols, going home and sitting in a bath full of hydrogen peroxide and Epsom salts! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/looney.gif" alt="" />

I am used to this now, but it used to be considerably worse when I was a party aminal. Then, I was two completely different beings, working during daylight, clubbing at night. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/taz.gif" alt="" /> i am not as bad now thankfully

I truly sympathize with those who have uncontrolled thoughts. This issue was so bad with me (before my amalgam removal that I had to read a single paragraph 3 to 5 times before being able to comprehend it. It was horrible.

There is hope though. This problem went away completely once my amalgams were removed.

I 'm not as bad now ,but before amalgam removal I would be standing in a line like the post office or to buy something at the store and would think to myself when am I giong to wake up from this nightmare it just keeps going on forever ,severe depression, felt hot all the time kind of like the flu,brain fog,memory problems,fatigue and then would go outside and think why don't I just jump in front of a moving truck to see if this truly is a nightmare and would wake up normal again , but the thought of my wife surviving without a husband or my daughter surviving without a father would always bring me back ,people at work knew that something was wrong, I had lost about 25 pounds and rarly smiled anymore my illnes was always on my mind , I would ask myself what did I do to deserve such a horrilble punishment I felt like a prisinor within myself going through daily torcher sessions .

Mikey that standing in line example of yours sounded very very familiar to me. For some reason I feel horrible in situations like that. The restlessness, anxiety and depression inside of me are just screaming and I just have to stand still.... aarrrghh. So that got better for you after getting rid of the fillings?

Mikey, that sounded really awful, sorry to hear that.
I wasn't ever really suicidal, just desperate. Like Russ, my concentration was really poor, had to read and reread things to understand anything, my thoughts were wandering like a drunkard. I was always anxious and panicky when I needed to have some presentation or a talk, this must be a classic. Had also a hard time to relax, was always under a stress, and even small problems seemed overwhelming. In the end I was so tired and depressed that nothing mattered much more, felt like a zombie, but just kept going.

finn: it did get better after amalgam removal, one less burden on your body , this last week has been kind of crappy for me ,the msm that I took for my joints really mobilized some mercury and feeling some of my old symtoms coming back along with one that I have never had before , excess salavation , today is a rough one , just a few weeks ago I was feeling the best that I had felt in a very long time ,then I had to screw it up with the msm, this is the same reaction I got when I tried using cilantro last year ,the cilantro messed me up for about 3 months I hope this does not last that long