Hello everyone

Thanks so much for those words of encouragement and support. It is so reassuring to know that the feelings I have are common to others who are toxic. I have had so little faith in myself, so I am grateful for reassurance. Yes now I see that I always have become overwhelmed very easily, and it has affected my self esteem, and have always thought that I was lazy, and stupid, it has been a wonderful revelation to know that it is the mercury. It is the key that has answered so many questions in my life, as I have been like this for as long as I remember, though getting worse over time, having been poisoned so young. Particularly it has explained my relationships, due to the withdrawing and inability to feel or express feelings. It is like I have lived in a fog of utter confusion. Now there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Another thing that has affected me is that I change so much. I think that this is also a reason why I have trouble in relationships. I can be dead for a while, then improve, and if I stick to a good diet without sugar, wheat, caffeine and eat basically like the way that has been mentioned by you, I improve and get around, and start to build up my activity levels but it is so changeable and this is why some or all rather, think that it is all in my head. I always crash, I think it is because I get lax with the diet once I am feeling better but for whatever reason the crash can be profound. maybe it is a dumping of the mercury when I improve the excretion from my blood. Or maybe the exercise causes it. I thought I had CFS, in fact that is the diagnosis but i saw that I was different to the others I was in contact with, less stable and able to do more when not in relapse, and not having a reason for the relapses. Also more brain fogged.

Also I have been unable to say what I mean, and get my thought together especially in the presence of more than one person. It must have been trying for others who did not understand. I can't tell you how much this is helping me, to understand myself and gain confidence in myself knowing it is the mercury.

So I will take it slowly thanks Bex, and just do a little at a time. I think my thyroid has got worse for a few weeks due to increase of certain symptoms so it is the first thing i need to sort out.

I have always wondered why diet has had such a profound effect on me, and am on a good one again, and starting to feel a bit better, excluding the things mentioned, especially sugar and wheat which are both very bad for me. I am still eating potatoes though but will cut them right back. I went on an anti-candida diet for 2 years but it drove me crazy <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" /> I kind of knew that there were certain things I must never eat if i wanted to function, but usually ended up going back on them.

I have read that it is better to eat ghee than butter so I make it myself. It cuts out the dairy proteins too as they become brown bits in the pan.

Thanks Bex, yes i am not going to take any risks and do things slowly and first of all improve my health through diet and the supplements i am on. I see that i can trust my body more if I listen to it something I have had to do a lot with not getting any medical help ever, and having to become my own doc. A good thing I think in the long run.

Thanks so much folks, I feel much less overwhelmed and worried now. And that is a good idea to take a break because yes i do get obsessive with things <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

The RV would be my new home, (no I would be on my own) I would be selling up here and staying in the States (and they are so much cheaper there) for a year so that i can import the van without tax,and then spend my time in Europe going south for the winters. It's something i have fancied for ages as I have no ties here. The only thing would be whether i could stick to a really good diet having less room for everything. I would be able to see some experts though.

It is so great to find you all after struggling for so long on my own, just to survive really.

For now I have set myself 6 months to improve my health so that i can make a start at healing properly at last and hopefully improve some relationships which have been badly effected, some of them I guess will never be restored as me saying 'it was mercury' will just be thought of as making excuses for myself.

Bless you all
Mati