thac, Bex.

You know what's worst? How insulting this whole 'it's your nerves thing' is and how much guilt it causes. You're sick like a dog and you can't lead your life the way you wanted (and that's my biggest dream of all! f*ck, i've just cried) and yet those docs have the nerve to suggest your problems are psychological so they deal with your personality. They'd rather assume you have this very unstable personality and deep inside your this little insecure kid who must be afraid of everything in the world and this is how this insecuirty is projected. Pyschosomatic.
If it wasn't enough for the 'guilt mode' mercury is putting us in, there's this. I can see already how my sister is going to use it againts me, saying I have to go to therapy and not be a LAZY <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censored.gif" alt="" /> or PARASITE as she called me once. Gee I thought for once they'd see THERE IS something wrong with u, but nope there's always a way it will even turn things against u and make matters worse.

And let me guess, if I do go down even further, and become a total , detached from reality schizophrenic, locked up in an institution, with no hope for improvement they will all be saying: "Oh, it's because he didn't go to therapy and take psychiatric meds, and he lived his inner life sitting in front of PC all day and reasearching that awful internet about his his IMAGINED illness, this is what happens when u dont go out to people and u dont listen to your doc, oh and it's another PROOF how mental illness unfolds! We knew it was gonna happen.".

Same would happend if I chose to end my life: "Oh, it was 100% depression, had he taken those antidepressants, he'd be with us right now".

In other words, your downfall is your fault

It's just f* unfair.