Demi,

I feel the same way in some respects. I would probably not have the depth of character and understanding of human behavior I've gained as a result of much time alone and endless introspection.

Through it, I've become a person that has answers when others don't. All my life, people have come to me when they didn't know what to do and I got a reputation for always knowing what to do. Even in high school, my nickname was "Dad" for this reason. I was a very shy and timid boy who literally had prom queens, popular jocks and some of the most popular people in schoold taking me aside, crying on my shoulder and asking my advice about situations and relationships in their lives.

I believe this is the result (in large part) to the enormous amount of time I spent working through my personal secret depression and suicidal thought; getting to know myself and others in a very deep and methodical way. Through it, I learned so much--that I have somewhat recently discovered--most people don't know, especially about themselves.

Some people say I'm the guy that can get into your head in a 10 minute conversation and make you see things about yourself and think about things you've never considered. I like that. It's good to be a catalyst in this way and I've help my share in deep and personal ways because of it.

Although mercury was the substance of physical cause, I--of course--credit God because I also had a few amazing experiences that were beyond nature; God intervened in my life on several occasions in an immediate and dramatic way. He also--looking back--guided me constantly.

I did realize, however, that He wanted me to heal, be strong and be an example to others about how to overcome and persevere. I have a passion for truth and am a hater of lies because I see the damage they do. Therefore, I am on this forum and all over the Internet spreading the information about how we've been poisoned by a system without conscience. God speaks a lot about "the [world] system" and it's enmity with Truth and the Spirit.

In the past 5 years, (my mercury was removed in July of 2000), my myriad of fears that I lived with most of my life have vanished. I know mercury is to blame as I've also seen studies that basically say that mercury make people fearful and subservient. I have now become an outspoken advocate of truth and thoroughly enjoy boldly yet strategically telling anyone I can start a conversation with about health, life, truth or whatever may benefit them and, of course, do it without being pushy or being thought of as a fanatic. Being unafraid is amazing and like a new lease on life.

I hope you persevere and have the courage and wisdom to recover from this and then help others do the same. I have no doubt the experience you've gained will be valuable for yourself and others, if you let it.

Take care.