It helps a lot <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have never had a formal diagnoses either. I had to go to the doctor one time when my anxiety over a particular event in my life was unbearable, but I never had formal OCD diagnosis - like you, I was afraid of the drugs. I learnt to handle it.

I'm a lot what you described. I'm not a very sociable person, I prefer one to one to groups, which overwhelm me. I try not to let my anxiety about things show, but it's not easy and some people have got really annoyed with me because they don't understand I have no control over it. I've never had a boyfriend because in my teens just getting through the day was hard enough, I couldn't think of dating. Also I was too shy to really get to know guys. I have liked someone in recent years, but it wasn't mutual. I also don't really have much sex drive, I guess either due to anxiety or my fertilty problems or both.

Last few months I've been pretty depressed, worrying about things and how to live with constant anxiety, but now at least I have hope, and that is a real boost for me. I can think now about getting well some day (I don't expect it to be immediate) and can now think again about possibilities in life. If I can get my anxiety down then I can think about relationships and maybe marriage, which for so long seemed like something out of my league.

I agree we should take the good from what has happened. Even though my life has been extremely hard at times, I don't know, in all honesty, if I would change it. I think I've grown a lot, learnt more what is important in life, and have learnt compassion on those suffering, aswell as what it's like to be depressed. I look around and see people putting value on real superficial things (in my opinion) and I feel closer to God and his will for humans than maybe I would have had I never had these problems.

A lot of people I've come in communication with, especially on the internet, have said I'm idealistic, unrealistic, romantic etc for what I believe, but given the pain and suffering I have been through, for them to say that actually is a compliment. It shows that I haven't become jaded and bitter, that I still believe in goodness, in the power of love, and have ideals that shape who I am and how I live. I think that morally and spiritually I'm a better person for what I've been through. So, if I can get better mentally and physically, then I might be a better person all round.