since when venting is implying that you dont feel so bad? I'd say the more you suffer the more you vent. and sometimes the suffering is so extreme that it approaches a desire to end everything, and that is expressed. And no, you are right you dont have a sixth sense to know where venting ends and real desire is expressed. I'll give it to you. But, whether you believe it or not, I have been in a huge mental confusion for the last months, and am getting constantly worse and often (always really) have difficulty to see when real venting ends and something more serious starts. But with this thread, you brought it to my attention that I maye have crossed the line and i apologized. (a couple of times) And like I said I wasn't aware of it. But that's the state this illness causes in you. if it wasn't for it in the first place I wouldn't be writing all those venting/suicide things. When you're in this state all you think of is to come to the place and say what's on your soul - however brutal it is - because you know people would understand you and not judge you (obviously there are exceptions). And you know what, this is not an excuse, it's THE explanation for my behaviour you spoke of. to know whether sthg's an excuse , you'd have to know exactly my state of mind. You dont, you can only speculate. But you choose to speculate without giving the benefit of doubt (which is a kind of support, which I see in many people around here, that's why I love those people here so much). That's why I call you judgemental (no where near name calling, just stating my opinion based on what you stated yourself).

and you know what, I'm glad you say my posts are well thought, because I NEVER KNOW. It takes huge effort for me to write this in this huge confusion and dementia. But should I chose not to write anything at all and ask for support just because because of the state I'm where I can't always see the rules? You know what, you brought them to my attenion and I'll try to keep them in mind. That is IF I remember them. That is the tragic part about this illness. Part of the venting comes from the frustration that I cannot be a 'normal', productive part of this forum. (and of life of other people).

of course, you will say since I've managed to discuss this thread, than I am able. not really. it takes time and time for me to understand what is written, the same goes for thinking what to write and writing itself. it is huge effort. and you never really know whether what you wrote is what you really wanted to say. you only know it instinctively. it's not ignoring the arguments either. it's being to sick (and also, I'll be honest, sick of you anon, sorry for making it personal, but you made it personal in the frist place) to come here and respond to all of this (thread).
maybe that's not enough for you. call me a weak person.

I'm tired of you anonymous, almost as if you had an agenda to prove how irresponsible, immature etc etc. I am. So excuse me, but I dont want to carry on this discussion with u anymore. Good luck with your mercury battle.