hi jinx glad to see you posting again : I know that there is nothing anyone can say that can diminish the suffering It is a private hell that you will have to endure ,untill you are cured ,last year I had many of the suicidal thoughts that you are experiencing ,what helped me was when I took a walk though a grave yard and imagined myself in one of those graves (forever) ,it sent a cold chill down my spine and that was when I knew that I had to use every once determination and energy to get through this mercury illness (what ever it takes) .