If these things have meaning for you Tracy, then that is what's important. You can reflect on them and ask yourself how you think and feel about them, and what they mean to your life. Others here could add their own interpretations but I think you could probably guess what they'd say, after reading the Does God Exist thread, yes? This is special for you and the answers will be there inside if you look.

As for the symptoms, you're in benzo withdrawal hon. I know you were unwell beforehand, but there's this on top of it now. Benzos are notoriously addictive and the symptoms you've described are right in line with what you can expect to experience in a cold turkey withdrawal. Even most mainstream GPs ought to know this, I don't know why yours doesn't seem to. If you want to make this easier for yourself then I strongly suggest you find an alternative supplier of your drug, go back to a dosage where the withdrawal subsides, and do a gradual taper.

Take care Tracy,
Linda.