Yea my mom too Tracy. I hate going there in my thoughts even, I know it sounds terrible to say but she died a few years ago praise God. My dad is great though, my brother has become ok over the years, I have two sisters one is kind of ok one rather very messed up still. That's actually why I started drawing as a kid, it was my one escape and when her friends praised me for it she treated me better. She was a total control freak yelling screaming all day long, constant threats of this or that. At the point she died our relationship was pretty much completely in the dirt.

I think until you actually experience Jesus you will have doubts, everyone does. But that changes in about one minute flat. I don't see hat you have anything to lose by heading that direction, just everything to gain. I had a real good friend sort of saw me through the early stages, don't know what I would have done without him, I experienced some very strange stuff, he took me to his church etc, I was actually afraid to go to church back then i felt like a total freak.

I had to let go of a lot of stuff I 'thought' I knew, my education... learned stuff, a lot of lies I realized once I had that encounter with God/Jesus, and it was keeping me from really being set free. I lost a lot in the process, worldly things, my career etc all went down the tubes. But, what happened over the next few years after that, took about 5 years actually, was a slow process, but he turned my life around and gave me so much more than I had before and the comfort of knowing that he's right there with me in it, even when I fail still. I used to call Jesus 'the garbage man'... in a good way i mean that, he took so much crap out of my life, made me dump egads, and gave me so much truth, love and peace in return.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer about 4 months after she began telling my daughter who was about 3-4 years old at the time, that there was no such thing as Jesus or the holy spirit. She struggled with sickness/chemo for several years and died in 2004. We had a freak late spring snowstorm here the very morning we were suppose to leave, 6-10 inches and couldn't even get off the mountain to go to the funeral service. You don't drive off this mountain in snow, it's a lot of cliffs all around. I didn't want to go, I think God even helped me with a reason there.

Yea mom was a hard case. She would literally become violent when I tried talking to her about Jesus. But, still, it's important to forgive.