Demi, I totally know how you feel! On July 12 it will be two years that I lost my health. My nervous system is totally messed up. I started out with vertigo (BPPV) and haven't been well since. I have been down the road of inner ear disorders, lymes disease, and I had my mercury fillings replaced. Through all of this I have a nervous system that is on the edge all the time. I can barely cope every day and I know the people around me don't understand. I feel as though I am just existing every day just trying to make it from one day to the next. I'm tired. I also have had suicidal thoughts but I am a Christian and I do know the Lord and I can't do that. My faith is the only thing that has kept me from completely losing it. One of the ways that my relationship with the Lord helps me for example, last night I woke up feeling VERY dizzy and when that happens my whole body is in a panic state. I realized the song 'Be strong and take courage, do not fear or be afraid, for the Lord will go before you, His light will show the way' was going through my mind. I hadn't heard that song for awhile so I knew it was the Lord assuring me to hold on.
It's hard to keep going, but I know I can't give up. I have learned gobs since I have been sick. Alot of it alarming because we do live in a very toxic time. I have depended alot on forums and just listening and seeing what is helping people. Trying different things. But it is hard.
I feel for you, for it is certainly overwhelming. Just know that you are not alone!
Vicki