I get that too, Dawn. It's been bad in recent years, though nowhere near as bad as when I was a child. Children are supposed to be worry-free, but not me. When my father was coming home from work, for example, I would feel sick to my stomach that something would happen to him. The same when anyone else went out. I really can't describe how terrible those years of my life were, and I'm glad I got some improvement when the fillings, braces and fish went, because I don't know what would have happened. By 14 I was suicidal.

These days I am better, but I can't handle social events at all. I avoid as many as possible. I prefer just going out with one or two friends at the same time, or going somewhere alone. I can't handle parties or bbq's or things like that. I don't even go to church anymore. I love the cinema or theatre, but even going there makes me nervous because of the noise and the people, and I have to thoroughly check out what a film is about before I got to see it, because I've learnt the hard way that if it contains something I am phobic about, I will have a panic attack and have to leave. I had to wait over an hour one time when I went with friends in the foyer because I couldn't stick the film. I told them I had lost my ticket to re-enter, and they believed it and laughed at the thought of me sitting outside the whole time, but I felt really bad lying to them. The same is true of any movie on tv. I'm ok watching it alone as I can switch over if it has anything in it that induces panic attack, but it's harder when I am with someone.

I try not to think that my life is ruined by mercury, in all it's forms, because I like to think that I can get better, but it's difficult to always stay positive. I'm going to check out the OCD links previously posted <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />