Hi Aaron.

I too am a Christian. I've come to the conclusion that a lot of suffering is human made and that God, out of respect for our free-wills, doesn't intervene directly to stop the consequences of human action. So, basically, that when the dentists were filling our teeth with mercury, there was little God could do directly. But I think that God has lead me to the truth about what is wrong with me. I think He was trying to tell me for the past 10 years, but it just didn't register with me. Sometimes we just don't see the truth or don't want to believe it etc.

It is tough having so much anxiety and mental health problems. I've always shyed away from relationships because of my problems, which sometimes just seemed so overwhelming that I thought I was a freak to have so many, or a hypochondriac.

Even though I am still not well, I am more open to the possibility of a relationship than I was a few years ago. Now I know what's wrong with me, there is every hope of getting better, which puts a more positive spin on things. Also I feel I've matured in my attitudes towards what love is, or what it should be. My experience is that most people single over 30 are so because of some underlying issue (not all, just speaking generally). Maybe we are all too hard on ourselves, I don't know. Because no one is perfect, personality wise or health wise.

My opinion now is that it's up to the other person to decide if they want to be with us, even though we might have a health problem, because there is more to a relationship that being "perfect" - can only speak for myself in saying I thought I had to be perfect to be loved, that I had to have a perfect health, perfect personality, perfect shape etc. But love is to accept someone "as they are", and that means the quirks.

A lot of people are selfish these days and love others selfishly. But love shouldn't be selfish, so any quality relationship should be one where the fears/anxieties of the other are treated with the same compassion as they would treat their own. Love should be building someone up to be the best that they can be. It's not love if someone is cast aside because they're not perfect. I think we just have to let our personalities shine and let the other person decide if they want to be with us, especially if we are truly in love with someone. I've only ever been truly in love once in my whole life, which is now, and while it's difficult to know what to do for the best, because I do have so many health issues, I could get better, but might never again feel this way for someone. I know people say "plenty more fish in the sea" and so forth, but I don't have these kind of feelings for someone easily, and I think it's worth fighting for when they do come along.

Also, there may be a time in the other persons life where they face a health problem and need support, so it should be a continuous thing of giving and receiving support. I think, as nations, we in the west have become very poor at both giving and receiving help, and at supporting each other and listening. Not to undermine the importance of psychiatry, but I can't help feel sometimes that counsellors have taken the place of friends and family. My uncle had some tough things in his life to deal with, health and family wise, but he said he and my aunt never needed a counsellor because they always talked things through together. They were happily married for over 40 years. Again not saying people shouldn't go for therapy, but it seems to me that it's kind of come routine now to pack someone off to therapy rather than to talk to them and to listen as friends and offer comfort. Just my opinion.