Dear Jinx you know i know exactly how you feel, I've experienced being dragged into that void myself. That was what my near death experience post was about. Its the weirdest feeling. I have never felt that close to death before. I know thats not in your mind, cos I've felt it and it scared th s**t out of me. I'm not sure how I got out of that situation, and I know this sounds absolutely nuts, and I'm scared of the response, but I 'm going to say it anyway. I knew I was dying, I knew for certain if I let go I would have died. But the thought of leaving people behind made me cling. Every time I closed my eyes I felt that pull, its totally different form going to sleep. You know for certain if you just let go, you will, for good. That's why I started the Does God exist thread, cos I thought if I do end up going soon, I wish I could find that faith and have the certainty I'll be with my friends and family. I know this sounds bizarre, but I've said to people that I wonder if on the first night of my illness I was meant to actually die. Thats how it feels, like the real me left and all the s**t and bad stuff was left behind. I am feeling really ill at the moment mate, I mean really physically ill. And why its happened to us and all the other sufferers on this forum, I just don't know. I have the most bizarre symptoms, just keep coming and coming. Someone on the forum said it felt like dying of cancer, I think they are right. Please don't anyone reply to say stop whining or being depressed. I really don't feel depressed, just saying its like living in hell and Benza I can totally relate to what you've said, could be me. Sounds stupid I know, but I have a teddy bear from when I was four and if Im feeling really bad at night I cuddle mine. I guess its like some sort of comfort All my love to everyone Tracy xxx