Maybe you had mild OCD, Laura? One of the things that brought me to this forum was that I read on the internet that mercury can trigger OCD. I was never formally diagnosed with it, but it was always clear to me it's what I had/have.

Part of it is to feel you are not in control of your own mind. I so often felt "possessed" like something was compelling me to do the rituals. It was hard to break from them, I really had to fight. And thoughts would come into my mind that I couldn't shake out or control, and it was just awful. I still get that sometimes and I have a lot of phobias.

I don't remember ever having these problems until I started having the fillings. I was always nervous, but I wasn't on constant panic. Then after having the fillings, I was anxious 24/7. Some nights I would be up for hours and it was like I was trapped in anxiety and the only way of alleviating it was to do a ritual.

I was only about 12 and I didn't know what was wrong with me, and it was really scary. I tended to hide it from my parents because I didn't want them to worry and they wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist, so I said I was fine and I changed the rituals then to more mental ones - like if I counted something a hundred times, then such a thing wouldn't happen (rather than have to touch an object 10 times). I'm glad I never saw a doctor about it, though, because I don't know what they would have done with me. Drugs, I guess. I don't think they would have thought about my fillings being a possible cause.

It helped when I became a Christian, and when my braces went (which I think probably due to less friction of metal) but even to this day I am very anxious and I have a lot of phobias. I'm almost 30 and still single and I think my anxiety is a lot to blame. It's not easy for someone to spend a lot of time with me because I have so many panic attacks.

My mother has OCD also, but I don't remember her always having it. She was once a very different person to the one she is now, and I can't help think it's all the fillings she's got that has made her ill.

I'm getting the fillings out because if there' s just a small chance that I can not be so anxious all the time, then I want to take it.