sorry long story, will get the the mercury part toward the end.

The beginning:

i've been suffering from chronic constipation for the past 2 years and half almost. when the constipation started i had bouts of diarrhea every now and then as well, but now turned into just full blown constipation.
sometimes i can go but it's never feels complete. this all started after i got sick, week long diarrhea that persisted even though i must have used loads of Chinese anti diarrheals and Pepto Bismal that we had at home. eventually i went to the doctors to get antibiotics and the diarrhea stopped but i continued to have frequent bms for maybe a month or so before i started to get a little constipated and continuously more so after.

The eating disorder:

at the time my constipation started after my week long diarrhea i was eating a lot less than i was used to and not much fat(semi anorexia?). was still in middle school when this started and did not know much about nutrition nor did i care. usually had a bunch of vegetables and fruits and bad carbs. these eating habits stayed with me for a while and i cant say it has completely left me.
3-4 months after the anorexia, i became a compulsive binge eater. i obsessed with eating one particular thing until i finished the whole thing. for example if there was a large chocolate cake in front of me, sometimes i would ONLY eat the chocolate but ALL of it in one sitting like in a huge cake. or if you presented me with a huge plate of noodles i would eat the whole thing even if i was sickeningly full. no control. whenever i get anxious or depressed i have to eat carbs or else i'll lose control go into a complete frenzy/

prior to my week long diarrhea, which resulted in a 10 lbs weight loss, i've never shown any signs of anorexic tendencies even though i was a good 20 lbs overweight by my ethnic standard, which in turn led to a lot of teasing, bullying and what not. i was also hirsute and had lung problems and chronic cough a few years back (but less currently). even though that does not justify my eating disorder nor do i expect many here to understand the wrath of an eating disorder.

my parents are also a lot older than the other parents of my friends due to some other stuff. my dad forgets what you tell him a lot and likes to indulge in sweets and carbs, thus my house has a lot of junk and carbs that i binge on several times a week (and i mean a real binge) and often lose control with. doesn't stop my dad from constantly asking if i want the junk food either. he can't remember. i get upset and binge and other psychological disturbances. my eating disorder can be considered tamed, but not controlled. at least it's not what it was a while back where i would purposely gnaw at frozen buns in the freezer just to spit it out. shove, chew, spit. or swallow. no innuendos intended.

Other BM fun stuff:

ever since i got back from visiting a south eastern asian country 10 years ago, i've been prone to diarrhea, was 6. i'd be popping those anti diarrheal pills several times a week and about every year or every other year, i would get a pretty severe case that would last for a few days and sometimes a week, but then my BM always went back to normal except for that last time 2.5 years ago that left me in a wreck.

the metals, what you've all been waiting for:

i'm not sure how old i was, maybe around 8, but some dentist gave me composite fillings first and then i think i went to a new dentist a while later and i got amalgam fillings instead, but it may have been the same guy. 4 tiny amalgams and 2 medium ones. i was maybe 10 or 11 then and i thought they were butt ugly but i kind of expected them to turn to white and be like those other fillings. yeah, never happened. not long after, i got braces as well. health wasn't all that bad though, just rumbly stomach, fat, hairy, moody, depressed. figured the latter were the result of the former.

sorry, i have an illogical sense of story telling. fast forward a few years and i'm sick. and a bit more and i'm still sick.

was diagnosed with ibs, but i don't believe in that stuff. imo ibs is just a name incompetent doctors give to a bunch of similar symptoms that they can't grasp or find the cause of. laxatives don't quite work on me. i feel peristalsis, but it doesn't really move the contents down the colon. wiggles it a bit and gives me spasms and pain and then it comes out when it wants to so much later. i don't think i have an obstruction, but i'll never know until they agree to run a colonoscopy on me, which maybe be never or when i turn 18.

oh right back to metals, sorry, what an appetizing entry, no? so much crap talk. literally. i feel bad for those reading this, if any.

i had a hair mineral test done recently, showed my bismuth levels 3.5 higher than the reference range. bismuth is in a lot of stomach medication such as pepto and probably those chinese pills. i'm so paranoid of those things now. mercury was too high, deranged mineral transport. funny thing. my selenium was too high too, but not complaining? since it's supposed to help with the mercury.

i may as well have started with dear diary or something.

anyway i leave with a link to a page that says "antibiotics ignite mercury" i like daydreaming and theorizing why the heck i messed up even though i know i did a lot of stupid things in a series that probably led to this. what i came up with:

whatever parasites i caught out of the country that caused my diarrhea probably took in the mercury in their little bodies, as i've read they're prone to? then when the antibiotics killed the critters, they released the mercury in my poor unsuspecting body (well not really), and maybe the antibiotics "ignited" the mercury as well. and maybe some bismuth toxicity too from prolonged/excessive use of those darn anti diarrheals. my lack of food consumption may have slowed down my transit, which is understandable, which in turn accumulated the heavy metals in my system, making it harder and harder to empty myself. maybe i wish it were this simple. or is this difficult? i don't know.
hated diarrhea when i constantly had it now i think i almost want it because i have such a hard time going.

i should be a writer or something, actually i wanted to. i write so much, but oh so horrible at it. people say i might have ADD. i change the subject like mad. bye.
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