Tracy you are rambling and having a hard time forming up coherent sentences
And yes this thread is dumb, there is no way to know. Most religion threads turn into flamewars
Go read philosophy and still come empty handed
A good rule of thumb that doesn't get broken for over 95% the worlds population is you will believe in whatever god your parents believe.
And just because you think you are having a hard time doesn't proof anything or disprove anything. If you are going to be an atheist there are million better arguments than OH NO MY LIFE ITS HARD (it isn't, go to africa or a third world country for some perspective)
You will sound less like a self-centered emo teenager whining if you said something like I believe in scientific fact above all else