There is no proof of anything in life. But if you question the very existence of your god(s) in times of strife and pain, one must ask the same question of all who suffer, the world over. When you're feeling better (and I believe that you will), will you still question Their existence?

You ask for proof in the divine? I believe the proof is in the pudding. As feasible as theories such as the Big Bang may sound (and I’m inclined to believe them for lack of any superior, alternative explanations), they do not explain what happened before that time, or before the time before that; ad infinitum. Where did matter come from to even initiate any of it? Why does anything exist at all?

Furthermore, why is everything in nature possessed of duality? Whatever divine entities have spawned existence, surely they must mirror Mother Nature, for all things come from nature. I believe Mother Nature mirrors our very biology and the biology of (nearly) all life: the necessity of both a male and a female. Life requires both of these, so too must the universe. For these reasons, and a host of countless others, I have long ago accepted a pagan religion (which I shall not elaborate on here), and believe in the Goddess and the Horned God. I simply cannot accept the notion of a lone individual god, most especially one that has selfishly taken on the guise of a male. Males were the dominant sex in earlier centuries and as such no female deity would have been accepted by the mass in those days. I therefore see the idea of a single male god as the mere archaic conjurations of our predecessors.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense, and I’m not trying to sell you into anything. Believe what you will. True, some suffer more than others in this world, but we are all of us subject to death and disease, sooner or later. Everything in nature eventually dies, is recycled and, in some new form, is reborn again. Take comfort in the fact that none of us suffer alone. We humans endure pain, all things in nature endure a pain of sorts (stars explode, the ozone layer is depleting, plants wither and die, etc.), and so too must our god(s) endure a pain of their own. I know it’s small consolation at a time like this but, that’s the cycle of life.