I got 2 phone calls from the surgeon yesterday pressuring me to do the chemo. She got me crying basically telling me it is chemo or die. Then the chemo dr phoned me, and told me that they can get me in tomorrow, I said no, and she said please think it over, now I am so confused. I feel like if I don't do it, I have no hope. But I don't want to live with the chemo treatments hanging over my head every month...it takes me 3 weeks to get over the depression from them...and they are making me weaker and weaker. I think I will write them a letter and ask them to please support me in my decision and not to give up on me in case I need it later...that is what I am scared of. I don't want to die from constipation.

And thanks for all the support guys, you are great allies.....I am pretty scared to be on my own, but I couldn't face another 6 hours of watching that poison go into my arm....maybe I will need it someday, but right now, NO way!!!

best love,
Sandi
xoxo