Well I went to my chemo dr today....hardly slept a wink all night, I was so worried about the outcome and what my final decision would be. First off she made a remark, "Great eyebrows" she had previously told me about getting them tattooed in...yeah right and get more mercury, but I didn't say that. I am getting pretty adept at drawing them in and am quite proud of my new artistic ability....you can't believe how horrid a person looks without eyebrows!!! Then she told me that she had never seen me looking so well. I didn't mention that it is probably the juicing and diet and supplements along with the chemo that got me to this point.

I then told her that I didn't want anymore chemo or at least to try to skip a month or two, and she said "chemo doesn't work like that, you can't quit when things are going so well. She told that I should at least do 3 more. Then she said how about 1 and 1/2....like let's make a deal. I didn't give in so she told me to go for a walk and think about it.

I went out and phoned a friend and made up my mind to go natural...and I felt really good about it.

I came back and she smiled sweetly and asked my decison. I said no thanks, I went 7 weeks thru surgery with no chemo, why can't I skip one month and make it 8 weeks? And what do they do if the cancer comes back after the chemo...she said "more chemo"....I said I wanted to go natural and go for the cure. She said it wouldn't cure me, but it was my decision.

Then she said, "I'll cancel the chemo and walked out...no more motherly attitude. I chased after her and asked if she would do blood testing in another month and she said yes, but she wouldn't book another chemo for me.

I have no problem admitting the chemo did prolong my life, but I would like her to acknowledge that the natural methods have their place too. I am not so self righteous that I won't admit allopathic meds have a very important place in healing. I guess she is afraid to find out that something else might cure me, whereas chemo can just bring about remission at best.

I feel pretty good about my decision, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I don't have to deal with the depression and hallucinations and nightmares that the chemo brings, never mind the awful toxicity that takes over your whole being....for days.

Please pray that this works for me and that I can feel self confident but not self righteous.

sorry for the rambling story, but I am not good at condensing...I think it is from the mercury too. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Best love,
Sandi
xoxo