What I dont understanad is I can have part of the day where I feel physically quite strong and I'll wind up doing quite a lot of jobs around the house and garden and enjoy it. The puzzling thing is then when I go to bed however tired I always find it difficult to get to sleep and sometimes feel so ill like last night that I either think I'm going to just drop dead or its so bad I pray to die cos I cant stand feeling so bad anymore. Last night was the worst I think Ive ever felt. I dont understand why we might get those few hours of feeling semi ok and then revert to feeling like someone who is really in the last stages of their lfe. This is certainly not imagined with me. I havnt got a clue why it happens. But the physical stuff at night is unbearable and thats when I usually end up crying.I sweat profusely and have chills to the bone and pain where you want to scream out. Sometimes I have to come downstairs so Evie cant hear me. Honestly if I didnt know anything about Mercury I would swear I had something llike cancer Im not convinced about anything any more. I never had these horrendous symptoms last year, so this illness is definately progressive and at present I am very scared as to what will happen next and how it will end. I t has progressed so rapidly over the last couple of months. I have the weirdest symptoms now, things I just cant understand or explain. Like for instance just one of my hands has light brown lines running down it from the wrist to the fingers. They never go just stay the same. I itch all over and have small sores appearing on my stomach. I cannot control my bladder at all and have no sensation of wanting to go until I wet myself so am continually washing and changing. It all seems like a nightmare. My walking is very difficult again. My doctor tells me I should just stay in bed nearly all the time, well if thats the case I might as well be lying in my coffin. While and if any time I find some strength, I will continue to be up and doing, I refuse to be a vegetable yet. However there are times when I now feel so ill I would love to close my eyes and never wake up. I prayed for that last night. Tracy