I thought exactly the same thing last year and was determined that if I tried hard to put things behind me for a while and get on with life just maybe things would right theirselves, and the big but is last year I had some good hours in the day when this was possible and therefore could live a kind of half life, Unfortunately it dosent work cos now I dont have one second of day or night when I feel good, so how the hell can you do that. Believe me I'm a very strong person I have been through some horendous things and If there was anyway at all of fighting this thing and living any sort of normal life I would be the first to do it. But we dont have a say .No matter how strong you are in mind and what you want in life, this thing definately progresses. My family have seen it in the last few months rob me of every fighting strength I ever possessed and they have seen me overcome some pretty horrific things. When this thing finally takes over you, you cannot put it behind you or fight it in anyway. I have friends on this Forum,who are very strong willed and minded people crushed by this illness. You perhaps havn't got to that stage yet and you are very lucky. I certainly am not a person to give into things. I have lived under stresses you wouldn't believe and fought and always come out on top with no medication, no doctors or anyones help. I consider myself to be strong, never whinging and taking all that life throws at me and believe me in 43 years I've been thrown more than most people face in a whole life time. People who know me well can't believe the things I've overcome. I am no way blowing my own trumpet, but I'm just trying to let you know that for 2 years I was determined that this thing would never beat me. Now I get no respite no matter how hard I fight this thing,it attacks both my mind and body with new and bizarre symptoms all the time. You never know whats coming next. So all I can say to you is like me last year enjoy the good times cos if you end up like a lot of people on this Forum, and I know them very well, and would say in all reality they too are very strong people, and some have overcome things only some of us have dreamed about. But don't be fooled and underestimate the power of this illness, it is like nothing on Earth. It can drive the most strong into the ground, sad but true. I hav'nt given in yet, but their have been times when I've thought how much easier that would be now. Just remember you are speaking to people who are the strongest and bravest people you will ever come across, otherwise we would all be 6ft under. Sorry if I seem harsh but I never believed there was an illness on this Earth that could make me feel so vunerable. It is a damn sight worse than cancer at its worst and I have personal knowlede of this. I know which I'd rather be fighting. If you can fight it, I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm trying to warn you what could come. Perfectly sound people have taken their lives through this bloody illness and my heart goes out to them, but I know now I would never judge cos it is truly evil. I had a vicar friend who too suffered from it. He became schizophrenic and was at deaths door for 3 months, No one is safe and none of us wants to be as we are. But please realise there are people on this Forum who are contemplating suicide cos they can't hack it any more. Loving and beautiful people and if they read the sort of thing you've posted it worries me they will give in. They too were once strong minded and fought, this illness as literally brought them to their knees, believe me I dont mean to sound harsh and apologise profusely if i have but honestly this thing is very clever and very, very EVIL. All the best, and I mean that with all my heart Tracy. Enjoy all those good times while you can.