Benza, I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for the upbeat advice. After I read it I reminded Shelly (my daughter) that I am poorly, which is why I have been tired and grumpy. And that I love her. It all seems to be water off a duck's back to her, she's used to it and in her own way she seems to understand. I just hope that I'm not still having to say those things years into the future. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd be here now. I would have topped myself. I couldn't do that to her.

I'm glad you got over your Effexor experience. Sounds horrible. I virtually cold-turkeyed off my AD. Talked to someone on another forum who had done it and he said he was fine. Goes to show you, again, how we are all individuals, and respond to things differently. Are you eating nutritiously, taking good supplements? Russ' recommendations for those things, especially on diet, serve well for recovering from taking ADs as well as recovering from mercury poisoning.

Tracy, thanks for sharing your experience too. It's painful isn't it, but it helps to talk to others who are in the same situation. Hopefully now that your children are older, they can truly understand what is happening with you, that it isn't their fault, and that you are trying to get well. 12-year-olds are pretty smart and grown up. And you will have had some good years with her. There are some special mother-and-baby moments that stay with you a lifetime.

I do wonder sometimes if my depression affects Shelly on a deeper, less conscious level though. Has anyone here noticed how children, especially when they are young, tend to reflect our moods? When I am happy, Shelly is happy. When I'm having a bad day, she is too, and more whining and crying and defiance are virtually guaranteed. She's a lovely little girl but tends to be short-tempered, argumentative, and prone to spells of vegging in front of the TV. I can't help but think that I'm responsible for some of that. I have actually tried at least 3 times to limit the TV to 3 short programmes a day, and it worked with her, but not me -- I went practically insane every time and caved in. I can't cope with intensive childcare 24/7. Maybe when I am well it will be easier. I also hope that I will then be able to play with her and do things with her and not have them feel like a chore, and it will encourage positive things in her as well.

Dawn, as you say, it's good that your kids were older when you got ill. I'm sure they made sense out of what you told them. I think you're setting a wonderful example for them. Many people in your position would be taking drugs. Instead you are doing the hard work necessary to really get well. When I have bad days, people like you inspire me. How have we got through such crap, day after day, for so long? My instinct is still to reach for sugar, sometimes I really crave it, but I don't want to sabotage my detox efforts. (BTW I took vanadyl sulphate for a numbers of months, and am still on chromium GTF. I've seen Russ recommend it for blood sugar issues. I don't think it's helped me much but it was certainly worth a go.)

I'm waiting on that DMSA. Hasn't been shipped yet. Apparently we had a postal strike for a couple of days here? I read the BBC news site several times a day but hadn't come across it. Anyway, I've got a long list of stuff I'm waiting to be delivered. It's going to feel like Christmas when it all comes, LOL. As usual, most of it is supplements, or health, or chelating stuff.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm sure there are many others in this situation. We can't change what has happened, but we can do our best to get well so that the future is brighter.

Linda.